Wordplay Joke

Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I'm in it for the long hall.

Wordplay Joke

"Hey Noah, where do you want these bees?"
"Put them in the archive."

Wordplay Joke

If Einstein hadn't come up with the Theory of Relativity, someone else would have. It was only a matter of time.

Wordplay Joke

Why did Nivea Cream?
Because Max Factor.

Wordplay Joke

OCD sufferers.
Their days are numbered.

Wordplay Joke

I thought Davy Jones was just sleeping.
Then I saw his face... Now I'm a bereaver.

Wordplay Joke

I keep imagining I'm holding an invisible pack of cards.
No one knows what I'm dealing with.

Wordplay Joke

I've just bought a border collie.
The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

Wordplay Joke

At a previous work-place there was a door that had a sign "Depress Lever to Enter". I used to walk up to it and say, "You are the worst lever in the world"

Wordplay Joke

I'm in line for a job down at 'Oxford Dictionaries'.
I got my mate to put a word in for me.

Wordplay Joke

Chemistry teachers make the best rapists.
They always have the element of surprise.

Wordplay Joke

Police have just named the poor woman killed in Tenerife.
Edna Moore

Wordplay Joke

I killed my wife in self defence.
It took me three hours to clean her blood off the dojo mat.

Wordplay Joke

My best friend was a hairdresser, and he died doing what he loved.
Dying.

Wordplay Joke

I recently starred in a theatre production about puns in the English Language.
It was a Play on Words...

Wordplay Joke

In the news: Police squad helps dog bite victim.
You'd think they would be trying to stop it.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend's going to be really happy with me. I've told her to stay in and polish my medieval battle re-enactment uniform while I go to the pub with the lads.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend was making pasta when I told her we were splitting up. I had to repeat it twice.
Then the penne dropped.

Wordplay Joke

I put up a fruity joke yesterday, but it got berryed

Wordplay Joke

Someone left a bottle of vodka on my doorstep today.
Not to worry, I managed to get to the bottom of it.

Wordplay Joke

Want an anagram of "Rodeo incidents"? Consider it done.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Apple sues Samsung for 'copying'
Samsung retaliate with name calling and telling the teacher.

Wordplay Joke

I have two brothers, well three actually but one has learning difficulties, so he can't count.

Wordplay Joke

I tried to break up a fiery argument at the bottom of a moving stairway today.
It was no use as things just escalated from there.

Wordplay Joke

A man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't like your tie-pin here."