Wordplay Joke

My daughter won't stop drawing pictures of clouds and suns on her belly.
I'm sick of feeling under the weather.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just called to say she's in Mayfair.
I said. " Are you shopping?"
She said." No, page 67, Readers Wives."

Wordplay Joke

I had an argument with my mate at a poker game last night, he ended up hitting me with 51 cards right in the face but I went one better, I decked him.

Wordplay Joke

Sonny Gibson must be spinning in his grave.

Wordplay Joke

My friend bet me 20 quid that I couldn't finish my dessert in less than 20 seconds.
It was a piece of cake.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a fly in striped pajamas?
A wanna bee.

Wordplay Joke

I went clay pigeon shooting with my friend Paul
I couldn't believe how many people knew him, they were calling his name out all day long.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's parking is unparalelled.

Wordplay Joke

My mates say my girlfriend looks like a horse. I don't think we'll be together furlong.

Wordplay Joke

Nan's always carried a bowl in her handbag full of vodka, lemonade and fruit and woe betide anyone who tries to take it from her.
She doesn't half pack a punch.

Wordplay Joke

Necessity is the mother of invention. But who's the father? Find out on Jeremy Kyle tomorrow!

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: US tornadoes kill more than 350 people.
Those American pilots are getting worse.

Wordplay Joke

There is a conspiracy between Kate McCann and the Sun newspaper..
For the real truth I think she should take a look in the Mirror..

Wordplay Joke

Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson, "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend says I am blessed downstairs.
To be fair, I do have a 40 inch screen, xbox, cinema surround sound and a ps3 so she does have a point.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going wherever the mood takes me tonight.
I've told her she can decide where we go out.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's leaving me due to my obsession with Cadbury's chocolates.
Let's have a celebration.

Wordplay Joke

So we were seeing who's laptop could burn a disc the fastest.
It was a disc race.

Wordplay Joke

I've fallen in love with a fellow ventriloquist's doll.
But she's already spoken for.

Wordplay Joke

Having a joke about the Olympics or current affairs is one thing..
But making fun of someone's stillborn child has really set the Barlow.

Wordplay Joke

I'm getting sick of the government saying they will put a cap on the number of Immigrants coming into Britain to work.
As if we don't give them enough already without supplying them with head attire.

Wordplay Joke

The Dyslexic samurai warrior has a way with sword.

Wordplay Joke

I broke the law yesterday.
Now everyone is free to do what they want

Wordplay Joke

I only play with my spastic son when the internet isn't working.
I call it down-time.

Wordplay Joke

I walked into the shop the other day when i noticed the Paki woman behind the counter had a 50 pound note stuck to her forehead.
She said she had been caught speeding and got an on the spot fine.