Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Three killed when car overturns.
I bet the driver flipped.

Wordplay Joke

A girlfriend once dumped me during a site seeing trip to Pompeii. She left me in ruins

Wordplay Joke

I ran over a bunny this morning.
Or 'Miss April' as she's known to Playboy readers.

Wordplay Joke

I ran into a fishing shop today and threatened to shoot everybody if the didn't give me all the money in the till. The cashier said, "Sorry Sir, we've not had any takings yet.
So I took the float.

Wordplay Joke

If you are a literal minded cannibal, self-catering vacations are a bad idea

Wordplay Joke

I've just come back from the ultrasound music festival in Staffordshire...
It was a load of rubbish, I couldn't hear anything.

Wordplay Joke

I want to trace my biological father.
Unfortunately, I can't find a piece of tracing paper large enough.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend prepared a fried breakfast for me this morning.
It was panned by the critics.

Wordplay Joke

Amy Childs reminds me of dental pain.
Too fake.

Wordplay Joke

The wife asked me to clear a spot underneath the window,so i used some clearasil.

Wordplay Joke

I have an overactive imagination.
I ran four marathons in my head yesterday.

Wordplay Joke

Omnipotent paradox: fills ur head with problems god can't solve

Wordplay Joke

Me and my girlfriend have the same shoe size.
We're sole-mates.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend left me the other day.
Accordion to her I make tune many musical puns.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is going to leave me if I don't give up my obsession with Gregorian monastic music.
Last chants.

Wordplay Joke

I'm thinking of joining the Lonely Hearts Club.
Who's with me?

Wordplay Joke

I was in America trying to buy a stick at 36 inches but I can't find any. It's strange, I'm always hearing about their yard sales.

Wordplay Joke

I've just sold my Born to Run, Dancing in the Dark and Born in the USA LPs I'm having a bit of a Springclean.

Wordplay Joke

I keep all of my bondage and S&M gear in a black nylon bag with a full length zip and a pair of handles.
It's my seedy case.

Wordplay Joke

Working at a restaurant the other day, I walked a couple over to their table. As I left, the man said 'Ere mate, this table rocks!...'
I said 'oh your welcome sir'. I laughed to myself and thought, he won't be so happy when he realises I've give them the wobbly one!

Wordplay Joke

I saw my wife in private,
that way no one can see me burying the pieces.

Wordplay Joke

Stood next to a barrel of petrol earlier wondering what would happen was I to drop a match into it.
Then I was enlightened

Wordplay Joke

This bloke asked me what the fractional part of a decimal number was.
I said, 'that's beyond the point'.

Wordplay Joke

I've heard they're developing a new high budget game called Diarrhoea, but Its super secret and they wont give any details out.
I really hope it gets leaked.

Wordplay Joke

I come from a long line of proud and accomplished sewer workers, we're not afraid of handling the big jobs!