Wordplay Joke

Pixar did well to abandon the original draft. Tolstory was supposed to be twelve hours long, and in Russian.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently worms are at their bravest when they're in pears.

Wordplay Joke

My 14 year old son was expelled from school today because of his facebook status. Josh and his girlfriend Stacey were doing voluntary work at a mammal rescue centre and due to the high volume of work he didn't have time to write a detailed status. So he just wrote....
Josh Varney is getting wood with his girlfriend's beaver.

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me to stop judging people by how much money they have or she's leaving me.
That's rich coming from her.

Wordplay Joke

Got told off at work today for being too lazy.
Give me a break!

Wordplay Joke

"Do you like my new kilobyte?"
"Not the slightest bit."

Wordplay Joke

Electric dough.
It's not what I want, it's watt I knead.

Wordplay Joke

I managed to convince a jamaican friend of mine to say I was crazy the other day.
It was a monumental achievement.

Wordplay Joke

A tramp just threw a magazine at me, never mind it's not a big issue.

Wordplay Joke

Why is on the same as off?
I don't get either with my wife any more.

Wordplay Joke

The other day on the toilet I stank so bad that all that went after me, smelled the same.
I call it my human scentipede...

Wordplay Joke

Recently I was on an astronomy course with John McEnroe.
We were looking through a telescope at a star in the night sky and he said "You cannot be Sirius"

Wordplay Joke

I called my wife fat yesterday, I don't know why, her names Sarah.

Wordplay Joke

I was teaching my son how to date, I covered kissing and hugging and then his mother taught him to eat out, she always had the best table manners.

Wordplay Joke

Some people take drug taking seriously.
I just do it for the crack.

Wordplay Joke

I don't see the point in big, ugly animals with wide mouths and stubby legs.
Guess I'm just hippocritical.

Wordplay Joke

I've invented a contraption which breaks up fights between a popular Labour politician and an Everton manager.
It really separates the Benn from the Moyes.

Wordplay Joke

I want to make a joke about circles.
But I can't get my head around it.

Wordplay Joke

I was learning about the forefathers today.
Or to put it better, Jeremy Kyle DNA test to see who my dad is..

Wordplay Joke

I lie awake night after night trying remember the name of that French bloke who plays for Aston Villa
I think it could be N'Zomnia

Wordplay Joke

'Welcome to the Black Parade':
Popular 'My Chemical Romance' song.
And Joseph Kony's National Anthem.

Wordplay Joke

Thanks to all the pot I've smoked, I'd completely forgotten about 'flower power' in the 60's..
And came back from the shop with the much smaller 40 pack of 'summer breeze' liquitabs.

Wordplay Joke

Spring Deal:
50% off all trampolines

Wordplay Joke

there's a group of judges marking the scores of a talent show, during a break they are discussing the scores, one of them says 'this is going to be a tough one, i've had a tie two ways' another replies with 'i had a thai three way, that's one night i'll never forget'

Wordplay Joke

My mate was telling me the other day about a new craft film he's making..
Its called Harry Wizard.. And he's a potter.