Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend left me because I plan to far ahead into the future.
I'm not worrying though, I'll get her back one day.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen Andy Gray working in Tie Rack...
He told me to "take a bow son!"

Wordplay Joke

A family of bears has broken into a holiday cabin in Norway and consumed more than 100 cans of beer.
To be fair, they had their name on them.

Wordplay Joke

Saw a Shakespeare play in someones lungs.
It was Mcbreath

Wordplay Joke

My mates a brilliant navigator but he's got a terrible stutter. He's called Tomtom.

Wordplay Joke

I've just read a great book called "How To Maintain a Healthy Prostate" by I P Freely.

Wordplay Joke

If you ever commit a serious crime you should turn yourself into the police.
That way you'll be more difficult to identify.

Wordplay Joke

I had to leave my job at the milk factory.
I just couldn't bottle it.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving down the motorway when i saw "Service station, 3 miles" with a sad face printed below it
I thought to myself, that's a worrying sign

Wordplay Joke

Kobe will have a heap of energy for his next game after eating Rice all week

Wordplay Joke

When chemists do it, they do it on a table... Periodically.

Wordplay Joke

I was working in the mess hall of my Army base, and my Commanding Officer walked up to me.
'I'll have a cheeseburger and fries,' he said.
I said, 'Is that an order?'

Wordplay Joke

I met this really hot girl at work today.
I'm a fireman.

Wordplay Joke

I wish people would stop making fun of my name.
Sirius lee

Wordplay Joke

To claim a football net.
That's my goal.

Wordplay Joke

I hate it when people make smelling mistakes.

Wordplay Joke

I picked up a traveller on the motorway and asked him the nearest place to get a chocolate bar. He duly obliged.
Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

Wordplay Joke

As a combat pilot, I'm trained to escape from the plane whenever I get into difficulties. My problem is that I do it before I get into any sort of difficulties whatsoever.
I'm a premature ejectulator.

Wordplay Joke

My washing machine is broke. It can't even afford fabric softener.

Wordplay Joke

Border Collies for sale.
Come, buy.

Wordplay Joke

I tried to book a flight home with BA this morning but he said 'I aint gettin on no plane'

Wordplay Joke

Life as a mischief maker is easy!
After all, it's not difficult to turn women into bossy leaders.

Wordplay Joke

There are only 10 types of people in the world.
Those who get binary and those who don't.

Wordplay Joke

I asked the furniture removal guy how everything was going with my move.
"Sofa so good" he replied.

Wordplay Joke

Tour de France was a bit tacky this year.