Wordplay Joke

My plan for this summer is three-fold:
Learn origami.

Wordplay Joke

I called in to rent a DVD on the way home.
"Hi," I said "I'm looking for a good horror film."
He said, "I've got just the thing."
I said, "That's no good, I've seen it."

Wordplay Joke

I know a blind man that does observational comedy...
It's dark humour.

Wordplay Joke

Remember, a doggy is not just for Christmas. It's a great position all year round!

Wordplay Joke

Putting contact lenses in for the first time is a real eye opener.

Wordplay Joke

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

Wordplay Joke

I've just returned from a strange shopping experience in the Middle East.
It was very bazaar.

Wordplay Joke

Last night I went to a belt party.
Everyone got waisted

Wordplay Joke

I recently went to see Shamu and saw a sign that said "Those in the first three rows will get wet"
And sure enough, all of those seats were reserved by women from the Whale fetishist society

Wordplay Joke

My server crashed due to the death of Amy Winehouse.
My wife heard the news on the car radio before hitting a tree.

Wordplay Joke

I couldn't be more lazy if I tried.

Wordplay Joke

My uncle was a bit of a dare-devil in his day.
Well he used to be a full one until he tried juggling chainsaws.

Wordplay Joke

People who play the air guitar need stringing up.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a dwarf on a reconaissance mission?
Happy go looky.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend lost her job for being a stunner.
She's not good looking or anything, just an over aggressive police officer.

Wordplay Joke

I was in Minneapolis the other day ...
Until Mr. Apolis returned home unexpectedly.

Wordplay Joke

I finally found a spotter at the gym,its like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders

Wordplay Joke

I normally enjoy cleaning, but yesterday I lost my rag.

Wordplay Joke

I remember my first date with my wife, we went to the airport.
Then things just sort of took off from there.

Wordplay Joke

I was trying to cross a stream earlier, but the bloke told me to get back to my own urinal.

Wordplay Joke

Just seen a small insect carrying a pack of cards.
Think it might have been ant and deck.

Wordplay Joke

A kid just called to my door and said "Trick or treat, .... or treat!"
I thought to myself, he's missed a trick there.

Wordplay Joke

I nicked an apple a banana and a plum from the maternity ward last night.
Just enjoying the fruits of their labour.

Wordplay Joke

I've never seen my daughter's boyfriend take her anywhere.
They always close the curtains and block the keyhole.

Wordplay Joke

Frankie has been booted off the X-Factor for breaking a 'Golden Rule'.
He couldn't sing