Wordplay Joke

I was collecting money for a charity, when I asked this black guy, "Do you have any coppers on you?"
For some reason no one has seen him since.

Wordplay Joke

I've had one of them 'Chubb' locks fitted on my front door, works like a dream, I've had no fat people round for a week..

Wordplay Joke

I saw this sign at the local community centre saying, "Rec Room".
So I did.

Wordplay Joke

only six muslims died at 9/11
imagine if thhat happened in london

Wordplay Joke

Benson & Hedges; a black man's gardening business.

Wordplay Joke

I went to the doctors and told him I had a sharp pain in my back. He said 'You have a large key in your back, like you get on those mechanical toy cars.'
I turned to him and said 'Are you winding me up?'

Wordplay Joke

My underground spying organisation was a big failure.
We had a mole all along.

Wordplay Joke

Killed a chav earlier, so I dug a hole & buried him.
'innit.'

Wordplay Joke

I was pulled over by the police this morning and the officer said, "I've pulled you over for weaving in the car." I replied, "Yes I know, I've almost finished my first rug."

Wordplay Joke

I'm on my way round to the hotel that John W Henry is staying at tonight with my new fishing net.
I hear he's just flushed 300 million down the drain.

Wordplay Joke

A pretty woman at the job centre said she'd like to offer me a tug job.
So I dropped my pants there and then which subsequently got me arrested.
Apparently tugs are also types of boats.

Wordplay Joke

I hate shallow women.
You can only get it halfway in, and even then the tip bangs against her cervix.

Wordplay Joke

I went to Citizens Advice last week and asked a woman if I could have some information on homelessness.
"Be my guest" she replied.
I've been living in her office ever since.

Wordplay Joke

I'm currently measuring the length of the equator in centimetres.
I'm going to rule the world.

Wordplay Joke

I've just completed my astrology course!
Who knows what the future holds for me now...

Wordplay Joke

I told a beautiful woman I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole and she slapped me and left me.
It's hard being a gondolier sometimes.

Wordplay Joke

Where do South African rugby players keep their Slinkys?
The Spring Box.

Wordplay Joke

Can blind people look on the bright side?

Wordplay Joke

I had a near death experience a few weeks ago.
I sat next to Alex Higgins on the bus.

Wordplay Joke

I've just had a dumbell surgically removed from my brain.
It's a real weight off my mind let me tell you.

Wordplay Joke

I'm 6 foot 7 so I'm always looking down on people.
Especially my sister, she got pregnant when she was 13.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a young girl splashing around in a river. Her dad was shouting "Shave her, shave her!"
As I jumped in with my foam and razor he shouted "I shaid SHAVE her, shtupid!"

Wordplay Joke

I literally like metaphors and similes.

Wordplay Joke

What have illegal downloads and very wet weather got in common?
Torrents shall reign.

Wordplay Joke

How times have changed. My son came home from school the other day and told me he won a spelling bee. When I was at school I won a horse that could do algebra