Wordplay Joke

I find my jokes have more direction when I'm left to right them myself.

Wordplay Joke

My ex has just got with a cage fighter and she seems pretty smug about it.
I'm confused, how do you go about fighting a cage?

Wordplay Joke

Statistics show that 100% of the population that live in Saudi Arabia are sane.
That's because there are Nomad people there.

Wordplay Joke

I just started a band with my mates, were called The Shoes.
We have a lot of sole.

Wordplay Joke

Why did the entrepreneur open the door?
Because oppurtunity knocked.

Wordplay Joke

*EASY MONEY*
Put a Ad in the local paper saying your a Driving Instructor..
Take the punters for a ride.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving down the motorway, then I saw a sign saying, 'Slow, Skid Risk Ahead."
I thought, "That person must have had seriously bad diarrhea.

Wordplay Joke

I enjoy listening to Scottish music on my och aye pod

Wordplay Joke

I thought my wife would be thrilled when I told her that I got us a table at the poshest restaurant in town for tonight.
Unfortunately I couldn't get in into the flat so we'll be having dinner in the garage.

Wordplay Joke

I have a memory like a ripped condom...
All the important stuff leaks out!

Wordplay Joke

Ever since I had my stroke I've not been feeling right.

Wordplay Joke

On my first day of pre-school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery......
There I was...all alone.... surrounded by trees and bushes.

Wordplay Joke

I work for BSM and now my wife thinks I'm teaching the owner of Aston Villa to drive.

She overheard me on the phone telling my mate I had a randy learner in my car all day.

Wordplay Joke

My boss told me that he's going to have to let me go.
All our holding hands and petting in the office is causing accusations of favouritism.

Wordplay Joke

I dropped a bag of zippers in the park today.
I got done for fly tipping.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to enter the "Football Supporter Of The Year" contest but everybody says I have no chants

Wordplay Joke

My wife is currently in 'witness protection'
After what she witnessed , she wont be leaving our cellar anytime soon.

Wordplay Joke

What group did Mike Edwards use to play in?
Electric Light Orchestraw

Wordplay Joke

Last night my girlfriend phoned me from the US. She was in a poor state.
Mississippi in fact.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Jones wants to be first minister
Hate to break it to him, but he's a bit late on that one

Wordplay Joke

Breaking news from the BBC website: 'Lightning 'may have hit balloon''.
What shocking news.

Wordplay Joke

There was a raffle at work the other day & the boss drew out ticket numbers 2, 4, 6, 8 & 10.
I thought, 'what are the odds?'

Wordplay Joke

I don't know how I managed to get my face stuck in the toilet seat.
I just can't get my head around it.

Wordplay Joke

Never interrupt a magician while he is performing a magic trick.
It will frustrate him so much that he'll pull his hare out.

Wordplay Joke

9% of people say darkness is their greatest fear.
For the BNP, that figure rises to 100%