Wordplay Joke

Im sick to death of the wife banging the lounge door against the wall.
Im going to put a stop to it.

Wordplay Joke

As a hairdresser I find I have to take a lot of shortcuts.

Wordplay Joke

Just been to watch a swimming gala
Craziest thing I ever did see - an apple doing the backstroke

Wordplay Joke

Brangelina have announced that they are having a divorce following rumours of Brads' affair with his ex, Jennifer Aniston, started to circulated.
Its good news for Jolie as Brad and Aniston will have the nickname 'Branston' and their relationship will probably be a pickle.

Wordplay Joke

I judged a bungee jumping contest and to be honest, I wasn't impressed.
The standard was falling.

Wordplay Joke

I like to sit in the shallow end of the pool and call people fat.

Wordplay Joke

I saw two homeless people up at the butcher's tonight.
It's about time really. The smell of their rotting bodies is starting to make my neighbours suspicious.

Wordplay Joke

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer.
I reckon it looks better in the Rear view mirror.

Wordplay Joke

My son was killed whilst pretending his wheelchair was a transformer on the M1.
You could say he died in his Prime.

Wordplay Joke

"I'm afraid your wife has pneumonia", the doctor told me.
I replied "Nothing new about that, she's always moaning."

Wordplay Joke

I decided to buy "Hollywood Hostages", a videogame in which you release background actors from captivity. I'm really good - I've already unlocked loads of extras.

Wordplay Joke

My wifes been on the pill for a while now. I don't think she understands it isn't a suppository

Wordplay Joke

Down London for some breakfast,
Can't seem to find a full English anywhere.

Wordplay Joke

I got to drive the Top Gear test track today, it's actually quite scary.
When I got to Followthrough Corner, I shat myself.

Wordplay Joke

I'm after painting a picture of a flower blooming from an embryonic shoot.
I'm a budding artist.

Wordplay Joke

I have recently received a degree in delivering mail.
I am a post graduate.

Wordplay Joke

I have an absolute hatred for Dysons and Hoovers.
I think it's because I'm at one with the universe.
It's my nature to abhor vacuums.

Wordplay Joke

I was checking out a mobile phone the other day, when I thought to myself...
My standards have REALLY dropped...

Wordplay Joke

Apple are wondering if anyone will buy their latest product made from timber.
I would.

Wordplay Joke

I used to have a job as an astronaut. At first I was over the moon, but I soon fell back down to Earth.

Wife Cricket

My wife's cricket mad. When she was going to have our first kid she told me she wanted it to be something she'd never forget.
So as the kid came out I grabbed it, swung it round my head, bowled it down the ward and knocked a nurse over.
It was an astonishing delivery.

Wordplay Joke

I used to rent a flat above a surfing shop
Everything was above board.

Wordplay Joke

I used to think i was a really good creative writer.
Turns out it was just my imagination.

Wordplay Joke

I used to think i was a really good creative writer.
Turns out it was just my imagination.

Wordplay Joke

Went out with an artificial joint manufacturer once.
She gave me the elbow.