Wordplay Joke

So every cloud has a silver lining?
Pff, tell that to the people Hiroshima.

Wordplay Joke

Kuwaiti police investigating a deadly blaze at a wedding tent that killed 43 women and children say the ex-wife of the groom has confessed to starting it.
They have charged her with arson within tent.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen a group on Facebook called, 'I hate feet'.
Obviously these people are fans of the metric system.

Wordplay Joke

I knew a guy who fell into an industrial grinding machine.
He's fine now.

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me the other day if I fancied playing with some dirty old slag round the back of the steel mill.
Very disappointing.

Wordplay Joke

My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of.

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between a circus act and some lap dancers?
One's a cunning array of stunts...

Wordplay Joke

I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.
He said, " Only if you make up the time."
I said, " OK. It's 35 past 50."

Wordplay Joke

Do you know how annoying it is when people answer their own questions? Very.

Wordplay Joke

My mum just texted me saying 'call me ASAP'
I think I'll stick to calling her 'Mum'.

Wordplay Joke

I went to Boots and said, "Can I have a bottle of shampoo please."
The woman said, "Extra volume?"
I said, "CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO PLEASE!"

Wordplay Joke

Everything is easier said than done.
Except for talking, that's about the same.

Wordplay Joke

I asked this Australian bloke how far away I was from Queensland.
He replied, "It's twenty clicks away, mate."
Things must be bad if they've started speaking dolphin.

Wordplay Joke

I won 10,000 on a scratchcard last week and the wife said we should draw up a list of what to spend it on.
"Well, I'm going to book a holiday for one."
"Oh goody" she screamed excitedly, "I can't wait!"
Can't help thinking she's misunderstood what I said.

Wordplay Joke

I'm an indonesian five-year-old and I made your PC.

Wordplay Joke

I tied the knot with a beautiful young woman yesterday.
Pity I'm an executioner.

Wordplay Joke

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today and it said:
"Pineapples: five cubed."
I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

Wordplay Joke

I love it when celebrities act like their name suggests, such as Lady Gaga or Princess Di.

Wordplay Joke

When I was young, my mum always used to hit me with the telephone. I was always on the receiving end.....

Wordplay Joke

"007, listen carefully, I have some fantastic Hi-Tech trainers for you."
"OK, what do they do?"
"Erm nothing, but they were cheap."

Wordplay Joke

I used to be quite good at wordplay.
Once a pun a time.

Wordplay Joke

God is talking to one of his angels. He says, "Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
"What are you going to do now?" asks the angel.
"Call it a day," says God.

Wordplay Joke

Incest.
Putting the relation into relationship.

Wordplay Joke

Blunt knives are pointless.

Wordplay Joke

So what if I can't spell armaggedon? It's not the end of the world.