Wordplay Joke

Midgets are no longer getting served in my local.
They say it's discrimination, but I think that the pub's just raising the bar.

Wordplay Joke

I'm not a bitter man,
I just prefer lager.

Wordplay Joke

Where do broken hearts go?
In the bin outside a hospital

Wordplay Joke

My wife has always stood by me.
If she behaves I might let her sit down.

Wordplay Joke

Crime is rife among dyslexic arsonists.

Wordplay Joke

I read an article about using your brain.
It got me thinking.

Wordplay Joke

My wife kept threatening to leave me because she says she's sick of my infatuation with Tommy Cooper.
She just left me.
Just like that.

Wordplay Joke

I couldn't get to chess club as its on the corner and I can only move diagonally

Wordplay Joke

For sale: incomplete pack of playing cards, 2.50, No Jokers

Wordplay Joke

My worst experience was having to sit through 24 hours of Destiny's Child music for charity.
I'm a survivor.

Wordplay Joke

.backwards sentences my say always i because me left wife My

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: 'shocking' decline seen in oceans.
Well the sequels are never as good are they.

Wordplay Joke

Pharaoh nough.
A rather laid back Egyptian king.

Wordplay Joke

My mate handed me a broken valium pill last night.
It was a bit of a downer.

Wordplay Joke

Today at work I stood up in front of all my colleagues and said "an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework".
It was a career defining moment.

Wordplay Joke

Channel 5's Programme:
'Danger: Diggers at Work' is one letter away from being the most lied about tv programme ever!

Wordplay Joke

I've just won a job as a pub owner.
Get inn!

Wordplay Joke

I cook a mean spag bol. This one just told me I'll die alone.

Wordplay Joke

Last night a gang of chavs attacked me with torches. I punched their lights out.

Wordplay Joke

I've just got back from a milf hunting lads holiday in Reykjavik.
Turns out mums don't go to Iceland.

Wordplay Joke

I just sold my organs so that my son can go to university
I'm going to miss those Harmonicas

Wordplay Joke

I was talking to some bird last night wearing the most amazing red dress.
It really complimented my figure, but she wasn't interested.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently, more than two thirds of people in this country refuse to leave a tip.
I must be one of the other third, because I'm never at the tip for more than a few minutes at a time.

Wordplay Joke

I've just opened up a drinks shop in town called 'The Green Mile'.
We only sell large black coffees.

Wordplay Joke

I've just had a bit of trouble taking down my Christmas tree.
This would never have happened in my wrestling days.