Wordplay Joke

My mate recently asked me if i wanted to expand my current business of safe nature habitats for animals into something more profitable.
I told him i wasn't sure of his business plans, i had my reservations.

Wordplay Joke

As I lay in bed with Pope Benedict last night he was telling me what a beautiful child he thinks I am and how how much he loves me.
I was really touched.

Wordplay Joke

I took a holiday to see the Brazilian rain forest before it disappears.
All that's left is a thin strip down the middle.

Wordplay Joke

I took a holiday to see the Brazilian rain forest before it disappears.
All that's left is a thin strip down the middle.

Wordplay Joke

I love my new job as a lolly-pop man.
Kids keep coming up and licking me.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call it when genetically modified apples are fermented?
Genocider.

Wordplay Joke

SKY NEWS: Prince William wants frontline duty.
He says he likes treating cats and dogs with fleas.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: "French police break key strike blockade near Paris"
Well stopping keys is a start i suppose but they should really focus on people...

Wordplay Joke

Disneyland! Jobs available. Positions available in the "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" tourist shop due to short staff.

Wordplay Joke

If fathering a mong is wrong then I don't want to be Dwight.

Wordplay Joke

Running marathons is no jog in the park, but there are methods and practices that can help you in the long run.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's been using that new voice recognition software to send me some sweet Emails.
Dragon: Natrelly speaking.

Wordplay Joke

Just heard a gripping story about rock climbing.

Wordplay Joke

The Salem witch trials...
They were trying times.

Wordplay Joke

I bought some RAC breakdown cover today.
Quite handy if I ever lose my head and go mental.

Wordplay Joke

Just got a random text that read "You still got it?". So I looked in the mirror, pointed at my reflection and gave myself a sly nod.
I then realised the message was probably about the car I'm selling.

Wordplay Joke

thats the last time i take the kids to lego land.......... every where we tried to go was blocked.

Wordplay Joke

Girl Flashed by Scotsman :- "Oh that's gruesome"
Scotsman - "Gi' it a touch love an' it'll gruesome more"

Wordplay Joke

Me and my wife were just about to leave the house to meet some friends for lunch, when I noticed that she hadn't put on any make-up.
"Why haven't you put any make-up on?" I asked.
"I don't need make-up to make me look beautiful," she replied with a smile.
"Well that's a bare faced lie," I thought to myself.

Wordplay Joke

My friend Ian told me he favours one leg to the other.
I said "You've got Olympian"

Wordplay Joke

High Definition:
Available now in all dictionaries.

Wordplay Joke

I excel at saying 39 in Roman numerals.

Wordplay Joke

I just asked my mate what illness Strepsil was for.
"For cough," he said.
"No need to be rude, it's just a simple question!" I replied.

Wordplay Joke

Immigration is a very contentious issue, and opinions vary on its benefits. According to one poll recently,
"Eez great, I 'ave a job az a plumber."

Wordplay Joke

Nicki Minaj sings about a stupid hoe.
A bad gardener always blames their tools.