Wordplay Joke

Just saw two telekinetics have a major disagreement near where I live.
Then they thought to the death.

Wordplay Joke

Getting annoyed by the cat's constant scratching.
Beginning to wish I hadn't taught it to DJ.

Wordplay Joke

I grazed my shin today.
Tasted of hair.

Wordplay Joke

My friend keeps setting fire to Belgian Detectives, he's a Poirotmaniac.

Wordplay Joke

I'm working tonight at five to one.
1/7 says I call in sick.

Wordplay Joke

I walked up to a farmer and asked him, "Why do you cut your maize-crops in the shape of a mythical horned-horse?"
"My unique corn is none of your business," he said.

Wordplay Joke

My wife left be because of my addiction to paint sniffing. Needless to say, I was overcome with emulsion.

Wordplay Joke

Anyone else find it ironic that Heather Mills married a legend?

Wordplay Joke

What do you call an American with a condom on his head?
A posh yank.

Wordplay Joke

I went to selfridges yesterday, was pretty good.
Sold 9 of them.

Wordplay Joke

Saw Sarah Jessica Parker smoking the other day, so I rang the police.
Turns out it's not a horse pipe ban.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving my bus when a group of kids at the back started taunting me and chanting "paedo" at me.
So I tossed them off.

Wordplay Joke

I hate people who mix metaphors.
They're a real pain in the throat.

Wordplay Joke

I've been selling flour to drug addicts in my Area lately.
It's a great way to make some Dough.

Wordplay Joke

Can anyone tell me what concise means..please be short, brief and to the point

Wordplay Joke

The inventor of the adjective is seriously ill in hospital.
Doctors have been unable to describe his condition.

Wordplay Joke

I asked the barber to cut my hair 'round the back.
He said: "Why can't I do it here?"

Wordplay Joke

My wife always has to have the last word, she's brilliant at scrabble.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently the deepest place in the world is the Marianna Trench in the West Pacific, that's funny I thought the deepest place in the world was somewhere in Jordan.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been round to the house of an old flame.
She'd gone out.

Wordplay Joke

Lifts get me down sometimes.

Wordplay Joke

My son picked me up at work today.
He's become a real show off since he started using steroids.

Wordplay Joke

For future reference, please see a clairvoyant.

Wordplay Joke

Being deaf sucks.
So I hear.

Wordplay Joke

The girls' swim team has a new coach who thinks she knows everything.
Her name is Claire Buoyant.