Wordplay Joke

Although I used to hate school holidays ending. I always came to terms with them

Wordplay Joke

I can imagine that moving to Australia would really turn your world upside-down.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend had little spots of blood on her knickers for 2 days last week.
It was only a brief period.

Wordplay Joke

I went round to my mate's and he was doing a bit of woodwork. I said to him:
'Where's the missus then?'
He said 'Upstairs in bed - she's not at all well.'
I said 'Is that her coughing?'
'No' he replied 'It's a bedside table.'

Wordplay Joke

It's the first time that a disease caused by something long, hard and green hasn't been an STD.

Wordplay Joke

Headline.
'BA pays 55 million in fixing case.'
Can only be a Samsonite suitcase at that price.

Wordplay Joke

What a night's sleep I had, first I thought my hair was stuck to the headboard, then I couldn't stop sucking my teeth. I even moved my pyjamas 12 inches below my waist. then I dreamt I had a really cool mobile phone, but it wasn't mine. It got worse as I started waving my arms around and talking with my fingers. I eventually woke up as I fell whilst being chased by a lot of policemen.
What a night, I slept like a wog.

Wordplay Joke

I don't mind that I missed my church on Sunday.
The rocket hit the Paki shop and blew it up instead.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently Belsprout has killed 29 people in germany... and i though it was useless

Wordplay Joke

I was sacked the day I nearly bankrupted our film company, hiring hundreds of people to be camouflaged soldiers in a battle scene.
I never even gave it a second thought about the cost of the hidden extras.

Wordplay Joke

My friend told me that there's going to be loads of races at Royal Ascot this week, but I'm pretty sure it will just be English and Arabs like usual.

Wordplay Joke

Apple have released a new gadget which enables America to start a war, to cover up stealing oil...
It's called the iRaq.

Wordplay Joke

I've just had one of those new sponge front doors fitted.
Don't knock it.....

Wordplay Joke

when I die, I want to be cremated regardless of cost... I feel like I've urned it.

Wordplay Joke

On patrol in Afghanistan one of the guys said, "Watch out for the cross fire"
I said, "Wow, I didn't expect to see the Ku Klux Klan here"

Wordplay Joke

I went to an Italian carpet fitters convention, last night.
It was wall to wall Totti.

Wordplay Joke

My mate told me he didn't get my business plan for selling brightly coloured cocaine, so I showed him a dye-a-gram.

Wordplay Joke

My track record with women is appaling.
Twenty three defeats and only four wins,

Wordplay Joke

When you're drinking champagne out of a shoe, make sure it isn't laced.

Wordplay Joke

I was out walking last winter, when I got caught in a heavy shower of freezing rain.
I don't really remember what followed... I just sort of glazed over.

Wordplay Joke

In a recent nationwide survey to name popular overweight celebrities,
Adele featured heavily.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Woman Named In Tenerife Decapitation Attack
Thats an awfully strange name to call your child...

Wordplay Joke

Incest, Now thats something I can relate to

Wordplay Joke

Me and the wife were arguing about the safest place to keep our life-savings.
I completely lost it.
Probably should have gone with her suggestion of the bank.

Wordplay Joke

Since I started working for Trebor I've made a mint...