Wordplay Joke

Upon reflection...
I look good in a mirror.

Wordplay Joke

My son said he was going to change the time on every clock in the house if i didn't give him money.
"Not on my watch you won't" i replied.

Wordplay Joke

I was struggling with the idea of how to get our bedroom a bit brighter.
Then I had a light bulb moment.

Wordplay Joke

Snipers are better shooters by a long shot.

Wordplay Joke

beware!! I thought screwfix direct, was a guaranteed internet dating site.
it's NOT!!!!!

Wordplay Joke

When I think about it I realise that I just can't be bothered to be apathetic anymore.

Wordplay Joke

A man is at a party. He gets hungry so he waits in the foodline and then he gets some food. Then he has to go to the bathroom so he waits in the bathroomline and goes to the bathroom. Then he is thirsty so he goes to get some punch and realizes that there is no punchline.

Wordplay Joke

I just asked my German friend if he knew how many goals Ireland had conceded this tournament. He said 'Nein'.

Wordplay Joke

Close your eyes and I'll update this old map of China.
No Peking...

Wordplay Joke

Every evening, my husband puts on a big red robe, gold chains and stupid hat. He then parades around the neighbourhood waving at people for hours.
He's becoming a night mayor.

Wordplay Joke

My Chinese friend 'Hu' has a short shorts fetish.

Wordplay Joke

My Chinese friend 'Hu' has a short shorts fetish.

Wordplay Joke

At my grandads birthday party I was telling him what I'd been up to when he started rolling his eyes.
He has some disgusting party tricks.

Wordplay Joke

I hate jokes about the blind...
I just can't see the funny side

Wordplay Joke

My blood is type O, though I think I might have spelt that wrong.

Wordplay Joke

Cannot is a word invented for those who are smart enough to know that they
dont' know where to put the apostrophe.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sitting in with a psychic to learn the business.
At the moment I'm just a sidekick.

Wordplay Joke

I like my women like I like my people with an irrational fear of Sting.
Afraid to go to see The Police.

Wordplay Joke

If I had a pound for everytime a homeless person
asked me for change
I still wouldn't give them any

Wordplay Joke

The Indian government is to count every person in the country.
Finally they've come to their census.

Wordplay Joke

Sean Connery joined the self preservation society earlier.
I saw him buying a tin of Ronseal.

Wordplay Joke

My Girlfriend makes up jokes.
She works in a Beauty parlour in Newcastle.

Wordplay Joke

I think the standard of golf may have suffered today , due to me and my mate playing a grudge match.
There were no-holes parred.

Wordplay Joke

Organised gangs are working in the Thames Valley area and stealing from boat clubs.
Police believe the stolen goods are for sail overseas.

Wordplay Joke

"Cloning is immoral"? Christ, man. Grow a pair.