Wordplay Joke

I was given the death penalty today.
To be fair, it was probably only a free-kick.

Wordplay Joke

Lost my remote... I don't know who to turn to

Wordplay Joke

Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way Way
That's way too much.

Wordplay Joke

Peyton Manning is treat like a hero just because he's got a great throw? I think my gran has been overlooked, you should see the one she knitted last week.

Wordplay Joke

The composer Frederick Delius was, they say, a Norwich City supporting TV cook.
But that's probably a Delius myth.

Wordplay Joke

After falling overboard on a cruise ship, I awoke on an Island surrounded by mountains made of cake and rivers of custard.
I think it was a dessert Island.

Wordplay Joke

My wife Olivia died so I thought I'd cash in on the inheritance. The solicitor told me this was impossible.
Apparently he'd lost the will to Liv.

Wordplay Joke

I joined the National Trust last week.
Now I believe everyone I meet.

Wordplay Joke

AT OM
Who said splitting the atom was complex!

Wordplay Joke

Painting your Front Door?
Tip for the day,
Don't Knock it til you've dried it.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently, I constantly say things the round way wrong.

Wordplay Joke

I've just opened an off licence.
Technically, it's breaking and entering but I needed a drink.

Wordplay Joke

My Dad had a stroke yesterday.
He's all right now.

Wordplay Joke

I can't see Brown staying in much longer to be honest.
A turtle's head has just formed in my ringpiece in the last 30 seconds.

Wordplay Joke

I love people with bad taste and they love me.

Wordplay Joke

I often attend eavesdrop anonymous.
Not that they know.

Wordplay Joke

When I heard the ferry carrying the transplant organs had capsized, my heart sank.

Wordplay Joke

I love my Pulmonary Artery, from the bottom of my heart.

Wordplay Joke

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? One .... Two, and a-one two three four.

Wordplay Joke

Amateur Neorological surgery can be nerve wrecking.

Wordplay Joke

Sky news -
'US Toddler ages seven times faster than normal people'
Ironically, her mum is a right dog.

Wordplay Joke

We were up before a 4 foot 6 ins Judge last week.
Thought to myself, "Little things are sent to try us".

Wordplay Joke

This French guy came up to me and said: "Le monde." Then walked off.
It meant the world to me.

Wordplay Joke

I make my own fireworks.
I have a flare for it.

Wordplay Joke

Made a killng at the races yesterday.
I had to put down a horse in the 3.40 at Haydock.