In an attempt to make Wigan more cosmopolitan the council have set up an Urdu centre in the town.
Unfortunately the locals went in asking for a short, back and sides.
My daughter wanted a rocking horse for her birthday but I could only find one that sings pop.
Hovis have just launched their new Farm Mouse Whole Grain Loaf
Grimsby Town 0-2 Bath
Two tap ins, apparently.
I'm not finding it easy giving up lying.
It's quite hard to be honest.
I am undergoing surgery that could potentially turn me into a felt tip pen, I think I'll be fine.
I've become insecure of my manhood after my Jamaican wife said "I've smoked fatter joints than that."
I suggested to the wife that she had some Botox injections to smooth out the creases and wrinkles on her forehead.
But she just frowned upon the idea.
A synanym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.
Guess you need one for 'synonym' then.
He's got one, synanym.
Can't spell a word? Make up a synanym!
The kids at school used to make me wear a sticker to school telling everyone I was a geek.
The teachers never showed any interest until they started making me wear a swotsticker.
Is sandpaper rough?
Does anyone agree that 'The Sun' is rather specific whereas 'The Star' is more general?
I was thrown out of the World Arson Championships for match fixing.
After spending a night in a hotel I went to the reception desk.
The receptionist said, "Can I check you out sir?"
I said, "Go for it, I hope you like what you see".
I bought my son a Blow-up doll for his birthday.
Otherwise known as the Muslim Action man
I always refuse to cut corners.
Which is why I lost my job in carpentry.
I've got a job joining metal plates together...
...apparently it's riveting stuff!
A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily, there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asks the woman who answered the door. She thinks for a minute. "No sir, but we do have a McArdle at number 15 and a McKay two streets away."
My doctor tells me I have a masturbation problem.
But i'm determined to beat it.. .
The Earl of Sandwich
The original Roll Model.
I loved carving wood when I was a whittle boy.
Prevention is better than cure, they say.
Not with bacon it isn't.
As a kid I learnt many knots whilst in the scouts.
My scout-master always said the most important was "Do NOT tell your parents!"
Oxo cubes are only a pound a pack.
I'm going to stock up.
I had to wipe my Computer's memory drive earlier...
...I came on it.