Wordplay Joke

Went to the Salvation Army to pick up some trousers and used boxers for the homeless lad down the road.
He was thankful for the trousers but said I should keep Audley and David as they're pretty useless.

Wordplay Joke

I got home yesterday only to find the letters "ynasnsee" spread out on the table, I couldn't make any sense out of them.

Wordplay Joke

According to the news, India has not had a case of Polio for over a year.
According to my nose, the Indian bloke at work has not had a pack of Polos for over a decade.

Wordplay Joke

I met a very nice Arab prince today.
Sheikh Myhand.

Wordplay Joke

I took my wife to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
Afterwards as we waited for the bill she said, "That waiter was really polite and helpful. You should leave a tip for him."
So I spilled my coffee on the tablecloth and threw a few biscuits around.

Wordplay Joke

As I sat and stared up at the inky blackness that was the night sky
and wondered at the infinite tiny points of light that twinkled like the most beautiful kaleidoscope diamonds, I thought to myself......
I really must fix the roof on this toilet

Wordplay Joke

How do you greet a mouthy Indian Resturant Owner?
Alo Gobi.

Wordplay Joke

I've just bought myself a new cleaning solution.
It's really flash.

Wordplay Joke

As me and my date walked through my front door I said, "I hope you're ready for a magical night.."
"'Cos you're sleeping on my carpet."

Wordplay Joke

I've started seeing a girl on the internet.
She's virtually my girlfriend.

Wordplay Joke

There are two types of people in this world:
1. Those who can interpolate from incomplete data.

Wordplay Joke

The wife said to me , I want you to treat me like the bird of your dreams.
Just seeing her in the oven for six hours will do me

Wordplay Joke

My dad beat my granny to death, she died halfway through his funeral.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been to California and I cried when I discovered nearly all of it was below sea level.
I was in a state of depression.

Wordplay Joke

My mate Dave is ambidextrous
well, that's not completely right

Wordplay Joke

I had a pen-friend once.
But the ink ran out.

Wordplay Joke

My best friends dad invented the Zorb. He's rolling in it now......

Wordplay Joke

My wife has left me because of my obsession with card games.
I can't deal with it.

Wordplay Joke

I used to be a famous Sultans chef.
Could never please him though, had a thing about the presentation of his vegetables.
I just couldnt figure out what to serve his Saladin.

Wordplay Joke

I'd turn for a Sat-Nav..

Wordplay Joke

I came across an open tomb in a graveyard earlier.
That's necrophilia for you.

Wordplay Joke

I was going for a stroll in the jungle and noticed a moody cannibal eating a human hand.
Curious as I was, I asked: "can I have a bite?"
He gave me the finger.

Wordplay Joke

"D'you want another beer?"
"Just a wee one."
"Fosters, then?"

Wordplay Joke

I had a house destroyed by a tree yesterday.......
Now its a flat

Wordplay Joke

I was in the pub last night and saw this man throwing darts but everytime they wouldn't sink into the board.
I thought to myself - thats pointless!