Wordplay Joke

I've been called a "sound system", a "ghetto blaster" and a "tape deck"....I cant help but think Im being stereotyped!

Wordplay Joke

I rather enjoy breakdancing. It's just a shame it never leaves me any time to eat my lunch.

Wordplay Joke

I caught my wife smoking in bed again last night.
I'm sick of telling her to bin that dodgy twenty year old electric blanket.

Wordplay Joke

My kids are gone to stay with their Australian relatives.
Or as the judge called them, the "foster family".

Wordplay Joke

I'm reading a book called Suicidal Mountaineers.
It has a lot of cliffhangers.

Wordplay Joke

I blame my dyslexic parents for my transformer related bullying at school.
Fancy calling me Robot!

Wordplay Joke

Working with shares, I was delighted when I found a live stock update app for my phone.
Like, right now, I know my cows are doing fine.

Wordplay Joke

Went to visit my Gran the other day and saw a box of persil on top of her TV.
I said "Gran, what are you doing with that?"
Turns out she had no Ariel.

Wordplay Joke

A talent for anagrams is often latent.

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe the price of bubblewrap now days.
Five quid a pop.

Wordplay Joke

I just got fired from my job today.
Taking a screen dump isn't what I thought.

Wordplay Joke

I don't bellive in 'wiping the slate clean'...
Which is probably why my restaurant was closed down by environmental health.

Wordplay Joke

I don't mind blacks or paki's.
My baby sitting business has a whites only policy.

Wordplay Joke

Writing hieroglyphics isn't all that difficult.
You just have to know where the eye goes after the sea.

Wordplay Joke

Walking through the market today, a red-headed bloke was shouting, "Get your baguettes! Thick and thin sliced loaves! Wholemeal, brown, white, seeded! Bloomers, rolls, baps and buns!"
Then he ran off.
I couldn't catch him though, he was the ginger bread man.

Wordplay Joke

"Does your girlfriend scream and shout when she comes?"
"Nah, I gave her a key months ago."

Wordplay Joke

I just got back from a conference about statistics,it was average.

Wordplay Joke

A naked man told me I'm going to die tomorrow
It was a stark warning

Wordplay Joke

Everyone thinks my new job's boring, but I love researching why rivers dry up.
It's just one ex stream to another.

Wordplay Joke

I come from a broken home.
We'll never know why dad had so much faith in those cowboy builders.

Wordplay Joke

I can tell by the looks I get in the changing rooms,that I am very blessed in the trouser department.
My wife really is an excellent tailor.

Wordplay Joke

Wayne Rooney: "I love the noise when I come out of the tunnel."
Coleen: "That's me farting."

Wordplay Joke

Me and my girlfriend have decided to take our relationship to the next level.
We're moving into the flat upstairs.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood.
So i took her to KFC

Wordplay Joke

I met a homeless secret agent the other day.
He said, "The name's Bond, Vagabond."