Wordplay Joke

I've just knocked a guy to the ground, by hitting him over the head with some laminated wood.....
I floored him.

Wordplay Joke

I was visiting Preston at the weekend,
and I saw an amazing street magician who made a seventh of the city disappear before my eyes.
He just waved his wand and....Hey presto.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to go for a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

Wordplay Joke

PC David Rathband death reported on BBC news earlier the police said he suicide note said he just couldn't see the point in living.

Wordplay Joke

I know an awful lot about bus timetables.
I've led a sheltered life.

Wordplay Joke

Alphabet:
A is for acronym...

Wordplay Joke

Being a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

Wordplay Joke

cripple jokes are the worst. i just cant stand them

Wordplay Joke

"I don't see us working," I said to my wife after 10 years.
Since we both got fired we just sit at home and do nothing.

Wordplay Joke

My mate, who drives trains for a living, was killed yesterday after getting struck by lightening.
He was a good conductor.

Wordplay Joke

When I escaped from prison and police eventually caught up with me,one of the officers said,''Mate I have to say that was the best escape attempt ever.''
I was taken back.

Wordplay Joke

I called to my mates, ''Will you lend me your car? My wife's going into labour.''
''I didn't know she was pregnant.'' he said confused.
''She's not,'' I replied, ''She's covering my shift in the building site while I watch the football.''

Wordplay Joke

I don't have any idea how to fix this hole in my jumper
Darn it

Wordplay Joke

I was very disappointed after watching several episodes of the Power Rangers.
Not once did they enforce any energy conservation laws.

Wordplay Joke

I was very disappointed after watching several episodes of the Power Rangers.
Not once did they enforce any energy conservation laws.

Wordplay Joke

I didn't know that Kid Rock's brother is a professional violinist.
He isn't very popular though, apparently there's something unappealling about the name 'Kid Fiddler'

Wordplay Joke

I was walking down the road when a man threw a small tin of cash at me.
"That's petty" I thought.

Wordplay Joke

I'm so excited, and i just can't hide it.
And the reason why i was sacked as a Gynecologist.

Wordplay Joke

People say that I can't differentiate between what I've learnt at school and real life.
I don't understand.
Differentiate with respect to what?

Wordplay Joke

The police are on my case.
I wish they would get off it, I am going abroad tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

I used to love watching old war movies as a child but that's a thing of the past.

Wordplay Joke

I just used up my last plastic drink sucker. It made me so angry, I just lost control.
It was the final straw.

Wordplay Joke

I converted my Nail bed into a door earlier.
I tell you what, you can't knock it.

Wordplay Joke

My counsellor asked me to describe my early morning drug habit.
"Amusing", I replied.

Wordplay Joke

I saw my local fishing shop was advertising a free pint of maggots if you spent over 20 in-store.
Needless to say, I didn't take the bait.