Wordplay Joke

What do you do to a girl who pinches your lighter? ........ Clip 'er

Wordplay Joke

The Black Eyed Peas...
...putting the "C" back into rap!

Wordplay Joke

My wife says she wants double glazing.
I hope this is an innuendo for bukakke.

Wordplay Joke

I just saw snakes on a plane.
And here I was thinking it only happens in movies.

Wordplay Joke

A local Tailor was supposed to come to my house today to adjust my trouser legs. He didn't turn up.

Wordplay Joke

I named my child after you.
My wife still thinks it's an unconventional name though.

Wordplay Joke

Why is etymology called etymology?

Wordplay Joke

Sky news: bush fires destroy homes in western australia.
Looks like they won't have to wait 18 months for the ashes to return afterall.

Wordplay Joke

The first step is always the hardest.
Unless your walking through quick drying cement.

Wordplay Joke

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, I put this down to good chemistry.
It was my strongest subject at university.

Wordplay Joke

Never mess with someone that has OCD.
They just clean it all up.

Wordplay Joke

I hear Boris Johnson wants to rise public transport fares again.
So that's what I get for paying my taxi's.

Wordplay Joke

My wife made me a cup of tea.
It's the most ridiculous fancy dress costume I've ever seen.

Wordplay Joke

My vacuum cleaner is called William.
Named after Di's son.

Wordplay Joke

"Husband's violent behaviour only made me stronger"
She must be battery powered.

Wordplay Joke

There's this girl that works in McDonalds. She's a little bit fat, but I wouldn't half pounder.

Wordplay Joke

I've finally found my dream job as a traffic warden.
I got home and I thought: 'That's the ticket.'

Wordplay Joke

My mate's been dodging train ticket conductor this whole week so far.
Fare play I say.

Wordplay Joke

I cant stand protesters.
But I don't know how to tell anyone.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a fake vampire?
Don't Count.

Wordplay Joke

I just ordered a new font.
It's coming by Courier.

Wordplay Joke

My mate and I used to always argue about which tense a sentence was in. I used to favour the present tense,
but that's in the past.

Wordplay Joke

I thought my girlfriend would be furious when it took me nearly five hours to get to the hospital when she went into labour.
I needn't have worried though; she was dilated to see me.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call 100 Muslims in fancy dress?
Mosquerade Ball

Wordplay Joke

What kind of shampoo do rodents use?
Gerbil Essences.