Wordplay Joke

The club sandwich, because sometimes a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend came to me and said, "I've missed two periods, what shall we do?"
I said, "You'll just have to ask for extra homework."

Wordplay Joke

Just had a strange gypo at the door dressed like an ancient Egyptian offering me some lucky herbs.
Turned out to be a thyme traveller.

Wordplay Joke

Despite his recent indescretions Tiger Woods never lied to his wife. Whenever she asked where he was going he simply said "To play a round!"

Wordplay Joke

I'm being forced to live my life in the gutter.
It's actually quite comfy really, until people start bowling.

Wordplay Joke

I have just won 'Vodafone Employee Of The Month'
I'm chuffed but I didn't quite get the reception that I thought I would,

Wordplay Joke

I know a woman called Sue Tickle who works in our local chemist.
We call her farmer.

Wordplay Joke

I received some chain mail through the post last week.
I am now better equipped than the British army.

Wordplay Joke

My mate did a free fall the other day.
His parachute didn't open, so he didn't pay.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend keepes telling me to get a haircut because she says I've got a mop head
Which is ironic because she has a bucket

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend wouldn't let me post myself in the mail.
I was so angry, I stamped my feet.

Wordplay Joke

Today I heard on the news that there was a spillage of syrup on the motorway. It makes a change from the usual jams.

Wordplay Joke

If I told you I wasn't sitting I'd be lying.

Wordplay Joke

I was asked to understudy for a Play, so I didn't read it.

Wordplay Joke

While the pessimist, optimist and realist argued over the merits of the cup, I drank the water.
-The Opportunist

Wordplay Joke

I bought a train ticket and the driver said, "Eurostar."
I said, "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin?"
Still, at least it's comfortable on Eurostar, it's murder on the Orient Express...

Wordplay Joke

My phone rang today, but when I picked it up, all I could hear from the other end was someone shouting; "Ice cube, snow, blizzard, air conditioning"
I hate cold callers.

Wordplay Joke

I heard a bloke singing, "Do... Re... Mi..." the other day.
I thought to myself, "He'll go Far."

Wordplay Joke

As a one-off, my local pub was selling burgers from a kiosk on bonfire night. Needless to say I got food poisoning.
Mum always used warned me about one night stands.

Wordplay Joke

I've just started a new job in a restaurant and last night I was waiting on tables outside for four hours.
Eventually it opened and I could start my shift.

Wordplay Joke

I took my girlfriend on the most perfect date. We had a champagne picnic at a secluded park at sunset. The drink was flowing, I had her favourite strawberries, I got on one knee and asked her to be my wife and she said yes! Staring at her new diamond ring, she lent in and whispered "Could this moment ever get anymore special?"
So I got up and started walking about like a spaz.

Wordplay Joke

Lampposts, now that's right up my street.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a short story about my bed.
I made it myself.

Wordplay Joke

I've just took the wife out for dinner.
I'll have her later, she's got to defrost first.

Wordplay Joke

I'm the manager of a female football team. Each one has lost their husband.
'Widows 11' was my idea.