Wordplay Joke

Bread machines.
There's no knead for them.

Wordplay Joke

Armour and helmet half price: for one knight only.

Wordplay Joke

I borrowed some eggs, flour and sugar from my neighbour.
I'm making a sponge cake.

Wordplay Joke

There's two kinds of people I really hate. Those who put animals into words
And hippocrites.

Wordplay Joke

What colour is the wind?
Blew.

Wordplay Joke

Hitler was right!
Wing.

Wordplay Joke

I like to invest in the youth of today so I make regular deposits.

Wordplay Joke

So, on a TV ad tonight, Dwight 'I'm-a-no-mark-and-short-of-cash' Yorke has decided to stick his neck out to "tell the real story" of his "relationship with Katie Price" for the News of the World tomorrow.
Surely, 'Spade digs big hole and makes spaz spade' is all that needs to be said?

Wordplay Joke

It has been announced today that as part of their new intensive training program the army have devised a new test of patience and endurance that will stretch even the toughest of men to breaking point.
Trying to add a joke to the Sickipedia website during peak periods.

Wordplay Joke

Shire Gelding For Sale.
Bay with white legs.
17.5 hands.
5 years old.
Died last Tuesday from colic.
500 ono.
That's flogging a dead horse.

Wordplay Joke

Started going to the gym on holiday,
Did 10 reps.

Wordplay Joke

I decided to "come out of the closet" to my parents earlier.....
Perhaps I shouldn't do it while they're sleeping in the middle of the night, they thought I was a ghost.

Wordplay Joke

A man approached me in street & asked for an anagram of garnets.
I thought 'strange'.

Wordplay Joke

Gordon Ramsay taught me all I know.
I swear.

Wordplay Joke

My wife brought a penguin home yesterday...
...I let it slide.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Van der Sar to end career in May.
I can't wait to see that episode of Top Gear.

Wordplay Joke

I used to suffer with terrible flashbacks.
Luckily, they're a thing of the past.

Wordplay Joke

I just texted my friend, "You got any hats I can borrow?"
He texted back, "Caps or nothing I'm afraid mate"
I replied "YOU GOT ANY HATS I CAN BORROW?"

Wordplay Joke

I got some strange looks when I was sitting on the bus this morning .
I bet they were wondering how I got up there.

Wordplay Joke

My Mum told me I would melt some hearts one day, she was right, but I hate working in the pork pie factory.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see a tarot card reader the other day. I said It's my birthday can you tell me what the cards say. She said To John, Happy Birthday.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to watch that film I Am Number Four.
But I've decided to watch the other three first.

Wordplay Joke

My mate invented the perfect anti-grizzly suit the other day. He's been absolutely unbearable ever since.

Wordplay Joke

I wasted a great deal of time trying to get information about niqabs, boshiyas and burqas but found nothing.
The things you do to know a veil.

Wordplay Joke

After having an STI test i was gutted and decided to speak to my wife
it wasn't easy but she had to know, she'd find out sooner or later
she went mental, trading in the galaxy for a subaru was a bad idea i guess.