Wordplay Joke

I tried to storm a Taliban base but failed. I don't know which move I did wrong in the rain dance.

Wordplay Joke

I'm into Egyptian roleplay in the bedroom.
My wife dresses up as Cleopatra and gives off distinct Pharoahmones.

Wordplay Joke

My grandfather bit the dust while going down on grandma.

Wordplay Joke

I have a lot of emotional baggage
Whenever I go to the airport security say "Why is that suitcase crying?"

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house?
It has a little John.

Wordplay Joke

Mirrors only work if you're looking into them.
Let's face it.

Wordplay Joke

Ironically all the haemorrhoid books at the local library are stacked in piles.

Wordplay Joke

I've just broke up with my optometrist girlfriend.
She was two-eye maintenance.

Wordplay Joke

My son was always forgetting punctuation at the end of sentences.
I soon put a stop to it.

Wordplay Joke

I was masturbating last night.
But now I have become an adult, my letters come addressed to Mr.Bating.

Wordplay Joke

I could have sworn I had a swear jar round here somewhere.

Wordplay Joke

I crashed on my way to work this morning. I blame it on my new supervisor.
It was blocking most of my view from the windscreen.

Wordplay Joke

I got fired from my quality control job at the Tartan factory.
I refused to double check my work.

Wordplay Joke

I'm not normally one for double negatives,
but when it comes to photos of your daughter in the bath, they're a must.

Wordplay Joke

esarhp
It's just a turn of phrase.

Wordplay Joke

My mate just told me he's off to stay in an apartment in the Middle East.
"Dubai?" I asked.
"No" he replied "just renting".

Wordplay Joke

I saw a group of girls out last night wearing pink cowboy hats and matching T shirts.
At first I thought it was a hen night but as I got closer I realised it was actually a pig night.

Wordplay Joke

Got bought a new pair of shoes for my birthday but they're like a couple of dead epileptics..
They don't fit.

Wordplay Joke

Books about physical attraction towards both male and female are hard to come bi.

Wordplay Joke

I understand the Chilean mine was once involved in a takeover bid by a company called Neilson.
Shame it never happened. I could make a killing with my 'Free Neilson Minedweller' t-shirts.

Wordplay Joke

I've invested in a company who claimed they could get potatoes skinless in minutes but ended up losing a fortune.
It sounded appealing at the time.

Wordplay Joke

My brother used to be a gangsta rapper.
He once covered Ronnie Kray in cling film.

Wordplay Joke

Marriage is just not very important in my book.
That's why I omitted mine from my autobiography.

Wordplay Joke

The only thing I could manage to sell on e-Bay was my car ignition.
It's a start.

Wordplay Joke

When people ask what I do I tell them im a stock taker.
Sounds better than saying im a thief