Wordplay Joke

I wonder if the Queen has a golden shower?

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Bomb goes off in Stockholm, Sweden
Al'Ikea have claimed responsibility!

Wordplay Joke

A hippie friend of mine told me I should try freecycling.
So I stole his bike.

Wordplay Joke

Just lost a championship Scrabble match.
To be honest, my chances didn't look good from the word go

Wordplay Joke

You can say what you like about the Queen's judgement but she's always on the money

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Man guilty of 40m jeweller's raid.
Men get blamed for everything these days.

Wordplay Joke

I'm so much better at starting things than finishing them. That said,

Wordplay Joke

My friend is abroad....now I know why i always caught him looking at me !

Wordplay Joke

I was at the cash machine earlier and noticed a sign saying "always protect your pin."
I took their advice and left my sewing kit at home the next time I went to use it.

Wordplay Joke

I can't see invisibility being made available for everyday use in the near future.

Wordplay Joke

My wife left me because I find absolutely everything ironic.
Now surely that is ironic?

Wordplay Joke

What's Swedish, cheap and entered by countless people every year?
Ulrika Jonsson.

Wordplay Joke

In Paranormal Activity, Micah is a poor excuse for a ghost-hunter. For all he knows, it could be brown, it could be blue, it could be violet sky, it could be hurtful, it could be purple, it could be anything you like.

Wordplay Joke

My brother has just been found dead after injecting heroin into his gums. What a smack in the mouth.

Wordplay Joke

I got caught in a downpour earlier.
My wife sweats a lot when she's on top.

Wordplay Joke

saw 2 fit Sisters the other day, asked them if they fancied a bit, they were having nun of it

Wordplay Joke

It's always the little things that keep you up at night...at least that's what the wife says.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a job punishing thieves in Saudi Arabia.
It's not very hands-on.

Wordplay Joke

I had a horrible experience earlier.
It was like I was Jim Carreys character in The Truman Show.
Everyone around me was acting nicer than they were, everything around me was fake, not as solid as it looked, like a cheap film set.......
Could it be true? is life just a cruel joke? an experiment?
Then I found the Ikea exit!

Wordplay Joke

My mate has a new fridge which he thinks is pretty cool.
Well I've got a new freezer that I think is even cooler.

Wordplay Joke

Hit me at 30, there's an 80% chance I'll live...
Hit me at 40, there's an 80% chance I'll die...
Obviously hitting middle age makes drivers much more vicious.

Wordplay Joke

Advert: Nothing compares to Actimil Follow On.
Well, I'll use nothing then.

Wordplay Joke

I smoked a joint today.
My wife needs a new elbow now.

Wordplay Joke

I caught a chav putting lit fireworks through a letterbox.
I asked him what he was doing.
He said ''Just arson around.''

Wordplay Joke

Feeling adventurous at work?
Have a Kit-Kat when you're not on a break.