Wordplay Joke

I sank ten pints of lovely Rocky Mountain Beer, and when I stumbled in, my wife said, "Have you been drinking? Your breath stinks!"
I smiled, and replied, "Yes, of Coors."

Wordplay Joke

I just sold a tin of kidney beans to my doctor for 60 pence.
He says I have a really good pulse rate.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just made me a sandwich.
If I'm honest, being in the middle of two slices of bread isn't all it's cracked up to be

Wordplay Joke

My friend has a problem with catching things.
It's starting to get out of hand.

Wordplay Joke

People think it's strange that I've only ever seen the beach once in my lifetime.
I never watch films twice.

Wordplay Joke

Even though it was snowing, my mate and me decided to play frisbee in the park. Being overzealous I managed to land my throw on a marquee that was housing a fair.
I thought, now is the winter of my disc on tent..

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Egyptian military dissolves parliament.
"Ahh, so it was the sneaky Egyptian military who had the chemical weapons all along and not Saddam then?"

Wordplay Joke

My wife said we should have an acronym contest.
I said stfu.

Wordplay Joke

I always agree to meet my internet prey in the play ground.
Roundabout, 7.

Wordplay Joke

I was bored on a long flight earlier, so I decided to kill some time by getting really drunk.
My co-pilot went mental.

Wordplay Joke

I just bought some unperforated toilet paper.
What a rip-off

Wordplay Joke

Ever since my thespian mate became a cocaine and steroid addict, he's been acting all high and mighty

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen two used tea bags having a fight.
I had to restrain them.

Wordplay Joke

If your ex dies, that makes her an ex ex?
If you killed her during kinky foreplay... is she a triple ex?

Wordplay Joke

At the local rugby game, I found out that spelling is very important.
That's the last time I give my mates bare hugs.

Wordplay Joke

And then Noah said unto the Lord "Ok, so what kind of an ark is an aardv?"

Wordplay Joke

My father dedicated his life to get rid of annoying churches in neighbourhoods across the world.
He won a No Bell peace prize.

Wordplay Joke

A man looks over the librarian's shoulder and says,''Is that the new book on severe acne?''
The librarian says,'' Yes,Well spotted.''

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: parties clash over doner decision
Apparently they just couldn't decide between lamb or chicken

Wordplay Joke

I did everything I could to get the part of Jack in the panto, as I'd heard the beanstalk was being played by Cheryl Cole

Wordplay Joke

I was speaking to a bald mate the other day.
He said "Do you know where i can get a good hair transplant? "
I said, " Off the top of my head, im not so sure "

Wordplay Joke

For whom the bell tolls? For the person with the belt.

Wordplay Joke

It came as no surprise when the security guard at the amputation clinic was unarmed today.

Wordplay Joke

I fantasise about sawing the top of the skull off a woman then giving her a Roman shower.
Which is sick in the head.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is absolutely thrilled that I got an extension on the house.
The plastic surgeon took pity on me and did it for free.