Wordplay Joke

Caught my Sister masturbating today.
Bit unhygienic in a hospital ward really.

Wordplay Joke

What's round and sounds like a trumpet?
a crumpet.

Wordplay Joke

The daffodil represents Wales.
Does this make the Welsh narcissistic?

Wordplay Joke

I was adopted, so my parents are relative strangers.

Wordplay Joke

A man was beaten to death by rival gang members after taking a wrong turn.
It was a nasty way to go.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a Jamaican guy with dreadlocks in the street earlier. He was smoking a huge joint and shouting out, "Death to the Jews! End the welfare state!"
Yeah man. Rastafaright.

Wordplay Joke

Moat lost his game of Russian raoulette.

Wordplay Joke

Self-referential humour isn't as funny as I think it is.

Wordplay Joke

I had to let someone go at work today.
So they sacked me from the Mountain Rescue team.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: One in five say Obama, muslim.
The other four thinks he should put on weight to become a true American.

Wordplay Joke

I was flying over scotIand and was confused with where my hand luggage should go, Luckily for me a friendly libyan helped me and put it in locker B

Wordplay Joke

Two chromosomes walk up to a night club but the doorman said "Sorry, no genes."

Wordplay Joke

Eternity is a terrible thought - I mean where's it all going to end?

Wordplay Joke

I had to give up composing recently, due to my bad Bach.

Wordplay Joke

I hate living on the edge...
But thats coastal erosion for you.

Wordplay Joke

Chlamydia. Spread the word.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving round aimlessly earlier when I thought I fancied a McDonald's. Just at that exact moment I saw a big illuminated golden M.
It must have been a sign.

Wordplay Joke

My mate told me last night that he won a darts match with a double 25.
But I think he's talking bull.

Wordplay Joke

"Couple are jailed over abuse of Young Boys"
I heard plenty of Tottenham fans giving them abuse the other week, I dont see them being jailed.

Wordplay Joke

"21 die in Venezuela crash" and this is why we do not want that annoying plastic trumpet in our stadiums...

Wordplay Joke

My new guitar strings came today...
...and left a nasty white stain on my guitar...

Wordplay Joke

Gordon Brown was the best prime minister to ever run the United Kingdom.
Did i say run? I meant ruin. Ironic how much difference one "I" can make isn't it Gordon?

Wordplay Joke

Shaun Wright-Phillips is the only number I have left in my little black book since Gary Coleman died.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just found a website about the origins of the World Wide Web, detailing how it was started all those years ago. Now she wont speak to me.
I knew the Internet History would get me in trouble eventually

Wordplay Joke

Me and the wife have bought a new bed made out of sandpaper.
We've been going through a rough time.