Wordplay Joke

I'm still working in an antique shop.
Nothing new there.

Wordplay Joke

I got bitten by a poisonous snake yesterday but luckily my mums sister was on hand to give me the correct treatment.
Thanks Auntie Venom.

Wordplay Joke

I created the Philanderer's Stone by accident. Now I'm immoral.

Wordplay Joke

I just spent 54,000 on a flat............. Im skint now. Has anyone got a pump?

Wordplay Joke

I just spent 54,000 on a flat............. Im skint now. Has anyone got a pump?

Wordplay Joke

I've bought myself a dictation machine. What a waste of money.
It refuses to help me take over a small African country.

Wordplay Joke

If you win the X-factor, you'll churn out Factor Y music for the rest of your career.

Wordplay Joke

My flatmate keeps nicking my memory stick.
He really gets my back up.

Wordplay Joke

Bicycles fall over far too often. It's time somebody made a stand.

Wordplay Joke

We couldn't get into the changing rooms at the rugby club, so I picked a lock.
He smashed the door down.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter did her first cart-wheel this evening.
As soon as she finishes the other one, we can get this thing on the road!

Wordplay Joke

I just found out that my mate enters children's limbo contests, just to see their faces when they lose. How low can you go?

Wordplay Joke

I can't find a synonym for synonym.
I did find an antonym for it, though.

Wordplay Joke

I was evicted from my ranch today due to bankruptcy.
I put up a good fight, in the end I was deranged.

Wordplay Joke

I've been a rodeo rider for two years now.
On and off.

Wordplay Joke

My mate was making loads of noise with a wine bottle earlier and it was really annoying.
I told him to put a cork in it.

Wordplay Joke

I went to an unusual restaurant the other day where all the food was moulded into spherical objects.
I had a ball.

Wordplay Joke

Why did the KFC box meal audition for X-Factor?
It was a Wicked Zinger.

Wordplay Joke

Why do North Koreans always write in small letters?
BECAUSE OTHERWISE THEY'D BE CAPITALIST.

Wordplay Joke

'Possession is nine-tenths of the law'
That's why I'm hoping for a reduced sentence

Wordplay Joke

"I am woman, hear me roar!"
"Yes darling, your new vacuum cleaner is lovely."

Wordplay Joke

As I entered my car to go to work, I noticed someone pranked me by rigging hydraulics under one side of the car.
I flipped out.

Wordplay Joke

I've just fisted my girlfriend's big hole.
It was an amazing feeling, seeing all her teeth crash to the floor.

Wordplay Joke

I visited a memorial to all the men who died while working for Pickfords.
It was very moving.

Wordplay Joke

This is my last Looney Tunes themed joke.
That's all folks!