Wordplay Joke

What do you call a man with a Boulder on his head?
Dead.

Wordplay Joke

My daredevil friend has nerves of steel.
A bungee jump went wrong and he was crushed against a bridge.

Wordplay Joke

Since my so called father told me I was adopted, I've been on a search to find my true parents
After several months of searching I found out I'm a child of two Vampires
I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror since.

Wordplay Joke

I just beat Cancer!
That's the last time my wife tells me what nicknames i can and can't give her.

Wordplay Joke

I was told that it's good to sleep on your problems to clear your head through tough times.
It didn't work that way when I tried sleeping on my manager.

Wordplay Joke

I lost my job teaching children tennis.
One court date led to another.

Wordplay Joke

My mate is always tearing up the dance floor...
He's a night club renovator.

Wordplay Joke

The Turkish hate it if you say Eurasian.

Wordplay Joke

I bought Lens cleaner yesterday.
She's worked well, so I'll call Len to see if he has anyone else for sale.

Wordplay Joke

I've never invented anything, except this broken calculator.
Does that count?

Wordplay Joke

What do we want?
Women's rights!
When do we want them?
After we've finished the ironing!

Wordplay Joke

It took me ages to explain to my fishing partner as to how I lost my maggots in the shrubs
But I didn't mean to bait around the bush

Wordplay Joke

Contrary to popular belief, Getting a retweet off a celebrity..
Does not cure Cancer.

Wordplay Joke

Two fat people in a marriage will never work out.

Wordplay Joke

Got my oral exam out of the way this morning.
There seemed to be a bit of confusion at the start, just as I unzipped him, he started speaking french.

Wordplay Joke

Some Paki kid called me a douchebag earlier...
I replied 'Calling me something loosely translated as 'washbag' isn't as offensive to us, but I see where you're coming from...'

Wordplay Joke

We know CCTV will lead to the downfall of civilised society.
Orwell that ends well.

Wordplay Joke

I took my wife of 12 years to the beach last week for a nice stroll along the sea front. As we parked, she smiled at me and said, 'I'm so glad you've grown up at last and realized what's important in life. You've changed darling.' I just squeezed her hand, smiled back, then kissed her tenderly whilst leaning onto the back seat to cover up my bucket and spade with the backseat blanket

Wordplay Joke

I opened a fish gym last week.
So far everything's hunky dory.

Wordplay Joke

My father served in Iraq. He was Saddam Hussein's butler.

Wordplay Joke

My father served in Iraq. He was Saddam Hussein's butler.

Wordplay Joke

Beyonce's stage costume came apart just before a performance, but the sewing machine in the dressing room had broken down.
Eventually they just used one of the back-up singers.

Wordplay Joke

There was an explosion at the drill factory where I work.
Everyone was in bits afterwards.

Wordplay Joke

I like my kids like I like my jokes.
On a morally suspect website.

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between single life and a woman?
Single life has its happy periods.