Wordplay Joke

Stubbed my toe at midnight last night, started off 2012 on a bad foot

Wordplay Joke

Everyone loved me in the school nativity, I was the star.

Wordplay Joke

Hate ruining shoes,
It's sole destroying.

Wordplay Joke

My son asked me the other day, what I thought about knock-knock jokes.
I replied, "They don't ring any bells.."

Wordplay Joke

Nudists need to be exposed for what they are.

Wordplay Joke

My argumentative friend went into PC World, Currys and Comet today and bought every single copy of Microsoft Office.
He always has to have the last Word.

Wordplay Joke

I gave a satisfied sigh as I watched my wife clear the table.
Although I think the local pool hall are beginning to suspect she might be a hustler.

Wordplay Joke

I was lost for words when my wife beat me in Scrabble.

Wordplay Joke

I'm thinking about entering the national erection championships.
How hard can it be?

Wordplay Joke

I went to buy a masonry drill earlier.
I was stood there, with one trouser leg rolled up but none of the staff in B&Q knew the secret handshake.

Wordplay Joke

I was throwing a piece of cake out for the birds earlier and it came back and smacked me in the face!
It must have been a boomeringue!

Wordplay Joke

I said, "How long left ref?"
He said, "It's injury time"
So I broke his nose.

Wordplay Joke

My psychiatrist said I have commitment issues so I've started seeing a different one.

Wordplay Joke

I spoke to my sons teacher today. He said, 'I commend your child'
I said, 'I'm sure you can.. but I'm not sure he's even broken''

Wordplay Joke

My wife asked me to take down the blinds while I was up at the window.
So I shot them both in the head, sending the guide dogs fleeing the scene.

Wordplay Joke

I remember when I used to take my wife on holiday and get her stoned...
Oh how I love to visit Qatar.

Wordplay Joke

I've just ordered some Testosterone online...
It's in the male.

Wordplay Joke

I'm writing a short script about the history of the dictionary, its alright, just a little word play.

Wordplay Joke

One time when I was re-enacting the birth of Christ, I swear I saw the manger move by itself...
Paranormal Nativity.

Wordplay Joke

My mate challenged me to get him something affordable for his rabbit to play in, I gave him a right good run for his money.

Wordplay Joke

My missus stubbed her toe so I carried her into the hospital.
I asked, "How bad is it doc?"
He said, "Your going to have to put her down."
I said, "Oh dear, did you hear that Sheila? We're going to have to put you down."

Wordplay Joke

I was drilling this girl the other night,
Unfortunately, the hole in her head killed her.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend just phoned to ask me what I thought of her mum's new grave.
I told her I was diggin' it.

Wordplay Joke

My mother-in-law is coming to dinner this evening...
My wifes making a curry and i'm getting the ricin.

Wordplay Joke

I went shopping the other day to get away from the wife. When I got back she asked me what I bought. I said "I bought a sausage dog" She said "Awwww u bought me a pet" I said "No, I went to the butchers"