Wordplay Joke

This summer the colours to wear, are pink, brown and yellow.
I read it in Neapolitan magazine.

Wordplay Joke

What was made of plastic and is no longer a danger to small children?
A Woolworth's carrier bag of course - what else?

Wordplay Joke

Have you ever looked in the book and not managed to find the oldest trick?

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the man who fell down a big hole?
Well...

Wordplay Joke

Does anyone else get a semi when they can't afford a detached?

Wordplay Joke

What measures should you take if you are feeling depressed?
Doubles.

Wordplay Joke

Whenever I see Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole, it makes me wish I had a job as a panel beater.

Wordplay Joke

These new stalker laws are so complicated.
I just can't follow them.

Wordplay Joke

I was at the sperm bank and the receptionist asked me what I thought of the place.
"What can I say?" I replied. "I love coming here!"

Wordplay Joke

Whenever I try to sneak to the toilet in the middle of the night, I always end up with wet feet.
One of my floorboards has a creek in it.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call 22 mushrooms playing football.
The Champignon League.

Wordplay Joke

I find it easier to sleep in my little brothers room in this hot weather because its cooler.
He's got a racing car bed and a lava lamp

Wordplay Joke

My one year old lamb is starting to look rather sheepish.

Wordplay Joke

My mates called me last night asking if I wanted to go over, have a few beers, play on the PS3 and smoke a few joints. Sounded like a good idea so I grabbed my keys, got a few joints ready then drove over there. We had a few beers then went out to his shed to smoke. After a while the smoke was thick, the place stank and we couldn't stop coughing so we called it a night. Was well worth the effort though, this ham is amazing.

Wordplay Joke

Where does mercury come from?
Hg wells!

Wordplay Joke

Women usually sleep on the right side of the bed.
Even in their sleep, they have to be right.

Wordplay Joke

Headline on BBC news : Professor David Nutt Sacked.
I'm not sure what nutt sacking is but it sounds painful!

Wordplay Joke

Being unemployed does have its benefits!

Wordplay Joke

There's no 'I' in 'Denial'

Wordplay Joke

"BREAKING NEWS" :- Man drops plate.

Wordplay Joke

I threw a biscuit at my neighbour the other day, but he ducked.
Jammy dodger.

Wordplay Joke

I had five loaves and two fish for tea.
It was a meal of biblical proportions.

Wordplay Joke

I'm terrible at music - I thought a metronome was a midget on a Paris tube train.

Wordplay Joke

My maths book is depressed.
It's full of problems.

Wordplay Joke

I'm really fed up with my boring job on a battery production line,
but on the plus side..