Wordplay Joke

TNUC...
I know...it's like looking in a mirror isn't it?

Wordplay Joke

I told my mate I'd bring him back something from my holiday.
He said "Abroad?"
I said "If they're selling them."

Wordplay Joke

A famous Football Player is providing funding to build Travelodge, Holiday Inn, Premier Inn, Hilton & NOVOTEL Hotels on a busy crossroads in Manchester.
Apparently it's going to be a Super Inn Junction.

Wordplay Joke

Princess Diana would have been 50 this year.
If only she'd stayed at 30.

Wordplay Joke

My mates dared me to pull a girl named Gail last night.
It was a breeze.

Wordplay Joke

All Hitler really wanted to do was make the world a fairer place.

Wordplay Joke

Just seen a Pikey selling Clocks and Watches from an old 1950's style police box,
I think he's a Time Traveller

Wordplay Joke

I'm 18, after leaving school and don't know what to do next. My mum suggested I take a year off.
So I'm 17 again.

Wordplay Joke

Sir Alex Ferguson is furious with Ashley cole after seeing pictures of horror tackle
Wouldn't be the first time pictures of his tackle have got him in trouble

Wordplay Joke

I've just bought some car insurance from Chris Eubank.
Thimples.

Wordplay Joke

I hate sloppy seconds.
That's why I always wind my watch.

Wordplay Joke

I used to date an anorexic girl. But eventually I dumped her.
I was sick of her making meals out of nothing.

Wordplay Joke

I've just kicked a pheasant to death.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Wordplay Joke

I asked my son what he would like for his birthday.
"I'd like two salamander." he replied.
That's my boy, he's not even ten yet and he's trying to pimp his sister out.

Wordplay Joke

If you take an 'n' from nonsense, it makes no sense.

Wordplay Joke

My wife likes nothing more than to curl up with a good book.
So I've bought her a copy of Advanced Contortionism.

Wordplay Joke

The easiest way to get ahead is by decapitation.

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between JLS and blackcurrants?
Unfortunately there are blackcurrants hanging from trees in my back garden.

Wordplay Joke

I'd love to set the world record for the furthest sniper kill.
But I know it's a long shot.

Wordplay Joke

Why does the French president enjoy snuggling up to all the other presidents? Because he thinks presidents are cosy.

Wordplay Joke

I remember at one time, I used to be scared of my own shadow.
Thankfully that's behind me now.

Wordplay Joke

Just got out of the hospital.
Apparently its called a "Blowfish" for some different reason.

Wordplay Joke

My wife came home with some herbal tablets to help her lose weight called Sea Kelp,
I thought, I'm sure there's a subliminal message in the name there somewhere.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen a play about 'Fly Fishing'.
The cast was amazing.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend has just bought some tickets to go and watch Labrinth...
I don't want to go but it's going to be hard to get out of.