Wordplay Joke

Surely Justin Bieber's new movie should just be called "Say"?

Wordplay Joke

It was mildly amusing at the special Olympics when the blind cheerleaders chanted ...
Give me an - I -

Wordplay Joke

I entered a 20,000 draw today...
The owner of the antique furniture shop was furious.

Wordplay Joke

I just made some new brake pads for my bike out of strips of dried and seasoned beef.
Stops the bike fine, bit jerky though.

Wordplay Joke

Being reincarnated as a female deer was not my best moment, in hind sight.

Wordplay Joke

My mates and I were deciding which one of us was going to steal New York's tallest statue.
Anyone could have done it but in the end I took the Liberty.

Wordplay Joke

I love it when the clocks go forward.
It's the BST!

Wordplay Joke

In 'hindsight' maybe learning the bullet catch trick first, instead of just deciding to bite the bullet would have been a good idea.

Wordplay Joke

Went Salsa dancing last night.
Anyone know how to get tomato stains out of a suit?

Wordplay Joke

I beat my personal best last night: pulled 5 times.
Then I came. I've really made my masturbation efficient.

Wordplay Joke

I had had a long distance break up last night.
It's a far cry from what I'm used to.

Wordplay Joke

I just had an email from a Chinaman asking if I want to buy a boat.
It went straight into my junk folder.

Wordplay Joke

I was awoken this morning by the wife humming.
I think she really needs to take more showers.

Wordplay Joke

I walked a bird home from the pub last night and when we got to her door she asked "Can I interest you in a night cap?"
"No, thank you" I replied "I don't wear them".

Wordplay Joke

I rang the emergency services when my son got stuck down a drain.
The operator said, "Can I speak to him? Just put the phone down".
There's no sign of an ambulance and it's been almost twelve hours.

Wordplay Joke

I'm moving out of my caravan so I've put it on the market.
A guy just tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, mate. My fruit and veg stall is supposed to go there."

Wordplay Joke

I work at a trampoline factory and I've just been promoted to store manager.
I knew I could reach new heights in this job

Wordplay Joke

".......... the Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we"
They can't be that common if they live in Wimbledon.

Wordplay Joke

The Facebook Group "LIKE If you have a friend you can call a sister or a brother" has over 20,000 likes
I wasn't aware there were so many hermaphrodites around?

Wordplay Joke

Where do Iranians kiss at Christmas time?
Under the missiletoe.

Wordplay Joke

I've just killed my poor wife Sally. I was listening to The Commitments on the radio and the next thing I know, she's hanging from a noose from the attic door.
I'll never listen to Mustang Sally again.

Wordplay Joke

As I left my house this morning, I was bombarded with a white, powdery condiment, and was quite seriously harmed.
I thought, 'Surely this is some form of a salt?'

Wordplay Joke

My sister bought some everlasting gobstoppers yesterday.
I thought it was a con at first, but when she choked to death on one it lasted the rest of her life.

Wordplay Joke

I'm moving to Israel for six months but I've decided not to take my dog with me.
I'd be too scared he might catch rabbi's.

Wordplay Joke

I was fishing one morning when a beautiful woman caught my eye.
I said, "Excuse me love, can I have my eye back?"