Wordplay Joke

I was trying to write a novel whilst driving earlier but I hit a wall.

Wordplay Joke

I met a skydiver yesterday, he was very down to earth.

Wordplay Joke

There is a way!
Sincerely, Will.

Wordplay Joke

I like women how I like my coal...
Slags.

Wordplay Joke

I'm so upset my wife of ten years has left me for a manager of a car rental company.
It Hertz.

Wordplay Joke

My neighbor the tennis player is noisy, I mean he's an alright guy but he just needs to keep the racket down .

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen some Tipp-Ex on Ebay for a 'bargain' 20 pence per case, correction only.
There's no way I'm going to China for it!

Wordplay Joke

Cardiff City in talks with potential new manager
'Sheep Shearer'
I'm taking copyright for it now before The Daily Star does.

Wordplay Joke

I bought some fruit trees at the weekend and the guy in the garden centre gave me a complimentary box of insects to help pollinate them.
He said they were free bees.

Wordplay Joke

My doctor said to me 'Have you ever spoken about your chromosomes?'
I said 'Only with my ex, why?'

Wordplay Joke

I needed a break from my hectic life, so went to the theatre but I got the dates mixed up & a Chinese cookery exhibition was on instead.
All wok & no play.

Wordplay Joke

Bloke in the pub sold me a pirate GPS. It tells you exactly where you arr.

Wordplay Joke

I find that smashing TVs is a good way to channel your rage.

Wordplay Joke

My wife sucks.
If only she swallowed.

Wordplay Joke

''I went to West Yorkshire to get some things for my dog''
''Leeds?''
''No, just a few new toys''

Wordplay Joke

So the Chilean miners are coming out tomorrow... I wonder what their wives will think?

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I'm insensitive towards her body size.
In retrospect, I should have told her she has a "patience" problem instead of saying she has a "wait" problem.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend's made a mistake, so I've bought her some correction fluid.
Gin.

Wordplay Joke

I hate it when my husband leaves dog ends all over the garden instead of throwing them away properly.
We're trying to fit in round here and the last thing I want is the neighbour's being constantly reminded that we're Korean.

Wordplay Joke

My driving instructor asked if I knew any road signs.
I said if its long and has cars on it then it's probably a road.

Wordplay Joke

For a cheap, degradable bag - have your wife carry the groceries home.

Wordplay Joke

I wouldn't say my wife is easy,
Horizontally accessible sounds better.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: 'British pair freed from pirates'
Why steal our fruit in the first place?

Wordplay Joke

Saw a bloke today slowing crawling on the ground, looking up women's skirts.
What a creep.

Wordplay Joke

The doctor told me that my addiction to naan bread could kill me.
I start keema therapy next week.