Wordplay Joke

I'm gonna Hitler roof if i hear another Holocaust joke...

Wordplay Joke

I like to lick furiously round the outside, then thrust my tongue in the middle.
I love jam doughnuts.

Wordplay Joke

Today I was stopped by an NSPCC worker, who said to me "Do you like kids?"
Surely they have subtler ways of catching paedophiles?

Wordplay Joke

The thing with gluesniffers is they all stick together

Wordplay Joke

I was having a conversation with some of my body parts, when one of them shouted "Look in the sky, pigs are flying!"
I couldn't believe my eyes.

Wordplay Joke

I was having a conversation with some of my body parts, when one of them shouted "Look in the sky, pigs are flying!"
I couldn't believe my eyes.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a magician who does tricks on the streets to earn a living. A young woman around 18 came up to me and said "Blow my mind".
Funny how you can become a rapist in just a matter of seconds.

Wordplay Joke

My carbon monoxide alarm keeps going of.
Its giving me a headache at this stage.

Wordplay Joke

If a pub in Scotland ever gets flooded,
They just have a loch in.

Wordplay Joke

I tried some reverse psychology today.
I had my mum tell me about Freud.

Wordplay Joke

I got fired as manager of a small liposuction clinic for throwing my weight around.

Wordplay Joke

I'm not the type of person who holds grudges.
My father was and I will always hate him for that.

Wordplay Joke

My wife went mad when she found out I'd covered her head with pages of the New Testament while she was asleep.
You should've seen the Luke on her face.

Wordplay Joke

As a proctologist, I rectify every problem.

Wordplay Joke

The definition of a Yankee.
It is the same as a quickee except you are by yourself!

Wordplay Joke

My drunk wife fell out of the bed last night.
She was standing up when I did a sharp u-turn in my pickup truck.

Wordplay Joke

How many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb.
None.

Wordplay Joke

I used to go out with an incredible Indian girl,
she was Amay Singh.

Wordplay Joke

Ive just started a new job on the night shift.
So dont be surprised if your days a bit longer tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

Why is a circle clever?
Because it has 360 degrees.

Wordplay Joke

I went to PC world today.
Most of the staff were people of colour and I was behind a differently abled gentleman in the queue.

Wordplay Joke

2 pebbles sitting on a beach, 1st one says to the other "are you married" the 2nd one replies "no im shingle"

Wordplay Joke

I got called to the school last week, as apparently my son had used the 'n' word several times.
Once I got him home, I had a quiet word with him about it.
I told him, "How many times, you never say never."

Wordplay Joke

Just seen on the side of a van "Robert and Robert Painters and Decorators"
Sounds a bit of a two bob outfit to me.

Wordplay Joke

I brought back a large stone from Ireland as a souvenir but it's turned out to be something else.
It's a sham rock.