Wordplay Joke

I woke up as a clown this morning.
I must have slept funny

Wordplay Joke

I've had to adjust my dog's collar three times now, he won't stop fidgeting...
I'm beginning to think he doesn't like this new polo shirt.

Wordplay Joke

Lady vicar caught having an affair with a chef.
The proof - her vest found in his pantry, and his pants found in her vestry.

Wordplay Joke

I like referring to my wife as an inanimate object.
I think nothing of it.

Wordplay Joke

I've just restored an old canon to it's former glory! I can't wait to shoot people I dislike and watch the blinding flash from a safe distance.
Shame its loaded with film and not gun powder.

Wordplay Joke

I've just restored an old canon to it's former glory! I can't wait to shoot people I dislike and watch the blinding flash from a safe distance.
Shame its loaded with film and not gun powder.

Wordplay Joke

I've decided to keep my money in my wifes bra.
It gets more interest that way.

Wordplay Joke

I went to watch the Artists' World Cup Finals recently, but it was a complete waste of time.
It ended in a draw.

Wordplay Joke

I was accused of being condascending to deaf Muslims.
I said, "Listen, Sunni..."

Wordplay Joke

Th
Is there no end to this?

Wordplay Joke

Chile, New Zealand, Vatican City, Swansea.........
Dangerous places to be a miner.
Garry Glitters , Michael Jacksons, Ian Huntleys...............
Dangerous places to be a minor

Wordplay Joke

I can't stand my father in law Ronald. Every time he comes round our house for dinner and he's finished eating,the wife collects his plate and i take great pleasure in saying "Hope you enjoyed that...... more Ron?"

Wordplay Joke

"Any similarities to persons living or dead are entirely coincidental."
The press were less than enthusiastic about my portrait exhibition.

Wordplay Joke

I was sitting in the cafe with my friend having breakfast.
She ate a sausage, one bean, some bacon, one bean, a hash brown, one bean, I looked at her and said,
"Eating disorder?"
She said, "No I like it in this order."

Wordplay Joke

Dad: "Son,you wanna come along to the taylors to get ready for your sister's wedding?"
Son:"No dad."
Dad:"Well suit yourself then."

Wordplay Joke

Last night I went to see The Three Tenors.
Ironically it cost me thirty quid.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend just told me I've gone power mad.
I was baffled, all I could say was "Watt?"

Wordplay Joke

I Just brought Lego from play.com but I'm sending it back because it's in pieces.

Wordplay Joke

I just went to the chip shop. It's a small branch of the old block shop.

Wordplay Joke

Diabetes is hereditary. I got it from my sugar daddy.

Wordplay Joke

Explosion in Pi Factory, 3.1415927 Dead.

Wordplay Joke

I got thrown out of The Open at Wentworth earlier.
Apparently, 'Having a lovely touch around the greens' is frowned upon when you're a spectator.

Wordplay Joke

Met a female carpenter the other day.
Ended up nailing her.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a corner shop today.
I don't know why though, I didn't even want to buy a corner.

Wordplay Joke

I was at the airport with some friend's and for a bet I was going to run through customs naked with a gun.
But I couldn't go through with it.