Wordplay Joke

Disobedient wife?
There's a slapp for that

Wordplay Joke

I was delighted to see Italy get knocked out of the World Cup.
Teaches them for getting Lippi!

Wordplay Joke

I was walking along, when I happened to come across an entire Greek army reading books.
I thought to myself, "Wow... they're smartans."

Wordplay Joke

I've got a date for tomorrow,
08-07-10.

Wordplay Joke

Some people walk barefoot on cold winter mornings.
Give credit where it's dew.

Wordplay Joke

My dog, Rover, talks in his sleep. He keeps claiming my wife's been having an affair.
I'm not worried, though; everyone knows sleeping dogs lie.

Wordplay Joke

My dog, Rover, talks in his sleep. He keeps claiming my wife's been having an affair.
I'm not worried, though; everyone knows sleeping dogs lie.

Wordplay Joke

Do women understand ironic humour better than other types because it has iron in it?

Wordplay Joke

I'm cooking pasta. When the herbs go in is just a matter of thyme.

Wordplay Joke

I took my blind girlfriend to see one of those old, silent comedy films the other day, just as a joke.
She didn't see the humour in it.

Wordplay Joke

I left a floater in the pool at the weekend.
I was never cut out to be a lifeguard.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a really exaggerated tic.
You should see the state of a questionnaire when I've finished with it.

Wordplay Joke

I lost my job as a food taster.
I just had too much on my plate.

Wordplay Joke

My pet snake is very good at grammar.
Mind you, he is an articulated python.

Wordplay Joke

My 2 year old son has just started doing bird impressions.
He sits in the garden eating worms.

Wordplay Joke

I was fed up of getting leaflets advertising all the local businesses special offers posted through my door, so I put a '' NO FLYERS'' sign up.
On my doorstep this morning I found two penguins, three emus and an ostrich.

Wordplay Joke

I rang up the AA, and said 'can I have an itemised bill?'
He said 'we don't do breakdowns'

Wordplay Joke

I was in the gym earlier when I saw a huge guy lifting 450 pounds on the bench press. I figured he must be on steroids, so I said to him 'can you get me some? I'm very much in need.' Next thing I know I'm in bed with his mates sister and thinking that I should have been a bit clearer

Wordplay Joke

I hate, misplaced commas.

Wordplay Joke

Yesterday my wife said nothing compares to you, but todays shes telling me to hit the road jack,
shes changed her tune.

Wordplay Joke

I'm down in the dumps. Oh, I'm not sad, just looking for sandwich toppings.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars and masturbation.
I told her "Whatever, I'm going upstairs for a Han Solo with my Lightsaber."

Wordplay Joke

I went to the beach to check for signs of a tsunami but the coast was clear.

Wordplay Joke

Hey babe, you can call me gamma ray,
Because you're going to get penetrated at the highest level

Wordplay Joke

My wife said to me that she thinks i'm a bit obessive about my job as a horticulturist.
"Where do you think this stems from petal?" I replied.