My girlfriend is still hung up over her ex.
I'm hoping the police will think she stabbed him to death before committing suicide.
I was hanging out at the gym earlier with a couple of friends.
I knew I should have bought bigger shorts.
Millipedes are like, 10 times better than centipedes.
I am going to make some felt pens.
Does anyone have any tips?
The wife drove me to madness
Which was good of her as the gig was a fair drive away
Peter Harvey is a fan.
My girlfriend keeps asking me to put a ring on her finger.
Funny that, because I want to to put her ring on my finger.
The local vasectomy clinic are having a summer party , their holding a ball.
I really like vagueness and also those other things.
Secret admirer - Stalker with stationery.
A sign on the wall at work today read:
People with Authority to key cabinet:
People with NO authority:
Jon ( thats me)
I could not believe i had been Black listed!
Statistically every 5/3 jokes either has speling or mathematical mistakes in it.
I met a chick in Kiev...
My girlfriend and I have been going through an A-Z of Greek Islands to decide where to go on our holidays.
In desperation we eventually chose Zakynthos, It was the last resort.
Me and my mates have just formed a band and we've called ourselves Man Utd Rapists.
It won't be long before we start doing Giggs.
Had a threesome with a Chinese girl & her twin.
I wasn't going to, but one Ting led to another..
I wrote a book on razor sharp knives yesterday.
Which was pretty stupid because my chair was perfectly fine.
I was playing frisby in the garden with my son when he shouted "catch it!"
I laughed "Don't worry son I am a master at this"
"No dad! you have just stepped in some"
I think I have an obsession with black people but I can't say Fo' Sho'.
There are many sites devoted to metal drain covers, but please do be careful when Googling "manholes" at work.
I'm Dave the pervert and climbing up 7 story buildings to watch women change through their window is my idea.
My mate's upset, having been sacked from the nuclear power plant.
He reacted badly.
I just got 25 kills and no deaths with my ump-45 and my desert eagle. did i get a tactical nuke?
no i got arrested.
I went for anger management therapy the other day and met a guy in the waiting room. I asked him what he was there for.
He said, "Anger management."
I said, "Snap!"
So he punched me.
Why did Santa say "Ho, ho, ho!"?
He saw your mum, wife, and daughter in the same room.