Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend is still hung up over her ex.
I'm hoping the police will think she stabbed him to death before committing suicide.

Wordplay Joke

I was hanging out at the gym earlier with a couple of friends.
I knew I should have bought bigger shorts.

Wordplay Joke

Millipedes are like, 10 times better than centipedes.

Wordplay Joke

I am going to make some felt pens.
Does anyone have any tips?

Wordplay Joke

The wife drove me to madness
Which was good of her as the gig was a fair drive away

Wordplay Joke

Heavy metal.
Peter Harvey is a fan.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend keeps asking me to put a ring on her finger.
Funny that, because I want to to put her ring on my finger.

Wordplay Joke

The local vasectomy clinic are having a summer party , their holding a ball.

Wordplay Joke

I really like vagueness and also those other things.

Wordplay Joke

Secret admirer - Stalker with stationery.

Wordplay Joke

A sign on the wall at work today read:
People with Authority to key cabinet:
Ashley
Brian
David
Paul
Sandra
Wendy
People with NO authority:
Ahmed
Jon ( thats me)
Mohammed
Sunita
Wilson
Winston
I could not believe i had been Black listed!

Wordplay Joke

Statistically every 5/3 jokes either has speling or mathematical mistakes in it.

Wordplay Joke

I met a chick in Kiev...

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend and I have been going through an A-Z of Greek Islands to decide where to go on our holidays.
In desperation we eventually chose Zakynthos, It was the last resort.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my mates have just formed a band and we've called ourselves Man Utd Rapists.
It won't be long before we start doing Giggs.

Wordplay Joke

Had a threesome with a Chinese girl & her twin.
I wasn't going to, but one Ting led to another..

Wordplay Joke

I wrote a book on razor sharp knives yesterday.
Which was pretty stupid because my chair was perfectly fine.

Wordplay Joke

I was playing frisby in the garden with my son when he shouted "catch it!"
I laughed "Don't worry son I am a master at this"
"No dad! you have just stepped in some"

Wordplay Joke

I think I have an obsession with black people but I can't say Fo' Sho'.

Wordplay Joke

There are many sites devoted to metal drain covers, but please do be careful when Googling "manholes" at work.

Wordplay Joke

I'm Dave the pervert and climbing up 7 story buildings to watch women change through their window is my idea.

Wordplay Joke

My mate's upset, having been sacked from the nuclear power plant.
He reacted badly.

Wordplay Joke

I just got 25 kills and no deaths with my ump-45 and my desert eagle. did i get a tactical nuke?
no i got arrested.

Wordplay Joke

I went for anger management therapy the other day and met a guy in the waiting room. I asked him what he was there for.
He said, "Anger management."
I said, "Snap!"
So he punched me.

Wordplay Joke

Why did Santa say "Ho, ho, ho!"?
He saw your mum, wife, and daughter in the same room.