Wordplay Joke

I recently purchased a novelty sized rubber stamp
It's made quite an impression.

Wordplay Joke

Fool people into thinking youve got a horse by taking off a unicorns horn

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me I was too impatient,
I said " I haven't got time for this."

Wordplay Joke

My wife asked me to do something that will lighten her mood today.
So I threw a lamp at her.

Wordplay Joke

I've started my own See Saw manufacturing company.
Business is up and down.

Wordplay Joke

I keep all my puff pastry recipes in alphabetical order in my Filofax.

Wordplay Joke

I was at the airport ready to book myself on the flight. When I got to the desk the woman asked,
"Will you be wanting to check in any luggage sir?"
"Sure," I replied "I wouldn't mind a peek in that blonde girl's case, she looks like she may have some kinky underwear."

Wordplay Joke

You just can't beat a feminist.

Wordplay Joke

With the prices of energy so high these days, ive chosen to change my energy source.
I'm saving 18p a week by switching from Relentless to Lucozade.

Wordplay Joke

I was once in a film.
I have very oily skin and I fell in a puddle.

Wordplay Joke

I just robbed a load of musical instruments from a shop in town.
It was easy, everything went accordion to plan.

Wordplay Joke

My father died in a terrible car accident.
He was driving a Reliant Robin.

Wordplay Joke

I've installed a mimefield around my house. Silent but deadly.

Wordplay Joke

I think the Jews are getting a lot more credit than they deserve,
I'm always hearing people say "With all Jew respect."

Wordplay Joke

I've crossed a spirit level with a funeral.
Sad but true.

Wordplay Joke

My parents have just had a huge row over who's getting what inheritances when they die.
It was a battle of wills.

Wordplay Joke

My mate said I should sell my car and walk to work instead.
I said, "no thanks, I've been down that path before"

Wordplay Joke

Last night I performed a magic act in which I encased everyone watching in rocks and minerals.
The audience was in ore.

Wordplay Joke

All these problems in the EU with Greece.
Has no one heard of Cilit Bang?

Wordplay Joke

Some guy dressed as a North American Indian tried to start a fight with me, today.
I said, " Come on Navajo, if you think you're hard enough."

Wordplay Joke

I was telling a lad at rugby training that I'd given up learning to be a ventriloquist.
Then I sold him a dummy.

Wordplay Joke

I really hate spider plants.
They're by far the most difficult shots in snooker.

Wordplay Joke

The trouble with using a disabled toilet is it doesn't flush.

Wordplay Joke

I don`t know why French people eat horse meat...
...It gives me the trots.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is in a bit of a pickle.
From what I can gather that's the best way to preserve her.