Wordplay Joke

I've always been bad at spelling. Not sure whether it's nature or nurture.

Wordplay Joke

Gentleman: A polite term for someone forever stuck in the friend-zone.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a couple snogging by a Coconut Shy last night.
"Knock it off you two!", I shouted.

Wordplay Joke

I got abducted last week.
The gym manager said if I paid my outstanding membership fees I can get my stomach muscles back.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a night club last night and I managed to take 3 girls home.
Easiest 22.70 I made as a taxi driver so far.

Wordplay Joke

My dad always used to say,"Yrros my son,never say your name backwards,you'll be sorry."

Wordplay Joke

I drink so much tea I'm on first name terms with my kettle.
He's called Phil.......Phil the kettle.

Wordplay Joke

As a writer I seek inspiration where I can, and get most of my ideas when I'm idly sat doing my Jamaican girlfriend's hair.
I don't know what I'd do if she left me.
I dred to think.

Wordplay Joke

Our local lap dancing club has started opening early in the morning.
I've just popped in for a coffee and a tease.

Wordplay Joke

Just got in trouble at work for saying 'puff pastry'.
The head chef said I've either got to call him Dave or fetch it myself.

Wordplay Joke

Scientists have discovered the smallest unit of measurement for personality.
It's called a 'Miliband'.

Wordplay Joke

When I woke up this morning I felt like one of Mozart's symphonies.
I was alright though, once I'd composed myself.

Wordplay Joke

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a
race car not called a racist?

Wordplay Joke

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a Chav on fire?
Sauteed.

Wordplay Joke

I bet our American friends have no problem deleting their cookies.

Wordplay Joke

My milk went off yesterday... Still hasn't come back.

Wordplay Joke

I was working hard the other day, trying to meet some pressing deadlines when my female boss came over and gave me loads more work to do. I alerted her that I was already swamped, but she told me to try and work a bit harder and I'd get more done.
So I thanked her for the motivational words and got cracking.

Wordplay Joke

Earlier today I was compiling a list of jokes about every bone in the human body, imagine my disappointment when I realized I didn't have a single humerus one.

Wordplay Joke

I made some clown shoes once.
That was no small feat.

Wordplay Joke

I asked my mate Paul what a palindrome was. He didn't have a clue but suggested I ask Bob or Hannah.

Wordplay Joke

River Cafe's Rose Gray dies at 71.
Earl must be gutted.

Wordplay Joke

You have to be so unintellectual to win at Deal Or No Deal that you think inside the box.

Wordplay Joke

Kristian Digby just died?
He was very old, considering he was at one time the biggest dog in the world.

Wordplay Joke

Thinking of opening a wine shop in Newcastle.
Going to call it Alan Shiraz