Wordplay Joke

A friend asked me, "What do you think of O J Simpson?"
"A freakin' maniac."
"He may be a maniac but just because he's black doesn't mean he's from Africa you racist."

Wordplay Joke

My first words were "The Holocaust was a lie"
I'm a man of Jewish dissent

Wordplay Joke

Wednesday night saw Real Madrid's cup run over for another year.

Wordplay Joke

I don't know why local environmentalists are objecting to the 'Save the tree' scheme as I've saved over a hundred trees since I started.
They're stacked in my back garden.

Wordplay Joke

A bloke driving a horse and cart fired a musket ball through my windscreen. To be fair, i was on a duel carriage way.

Wordplay Joke

I've just got back from a trip to Texas and I can tell you that it has certainly changed since I was a kid.
Homebase is a stupid name for starters.

Wordplay Joke

I've opened a shop selling sledges.
Sales are going downhill lately.

Wordplay Joke

I don't understand people who can't empathise!

Wordplay Joke

I appeared in court today.
Judge was pretty impressed with my magic trick.

Wordplay Joke

I didn't have the best childhood. My dad used to beat me and my siblings.
He was far better at scrabble than us.

Wordplay Joke

It is actually impossible to get a modern digital camera out of focus.
They only sell DIY stuff.

Wordplay Joke

Sure, the Bagpipes may not be the nicest instrument in the world, but you've really got to respect a man who can blow, squeeze and finger all at the same time.

Wordplay Joke

My new book on hostages will be released next week.

Wordplay Joke

My friend asked me last night if I liked hanging from the ceiling, spinning round.
I replied, 'I'm not a fan.'

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Joanna Yeates?
Madeline had a good roast this christmas

Wordplay Joke

I've just called BAA.
I do other farmyard animals too.

Wordplay Joke

My mate said to me, "I really fancy a McDonald's."
I thought, "That's a weird fetish."

Wordplay Joke

Our school teachers never did let us shorten Francesca Rash's christian name.

Wordplay Joke

Just reading a new book on big wild cats called Tiger Attack, by Claude Tobitz

Wordplay Joke

Pulp Fiction - ''Orange juice is made from apples''

Wordplay Joke

I was out shopping in Thorntons with my girlfriend and thought I would 'tickle my fancy'...
That's the last time I'll do that in a public place.

Wordplay Joke

I invested all my savings into buying a share of a new block of flats that my friend is building, only to find that my section directly overlooks Prince William's bedroom.
I'm going to sell my storey to The Sun.

Wordplay Joke

My mate said, "How did you know I like narrating?"
I said,"You tell me"

Wordplay Joke

Today, I thought of a different word for 'every'.
That is all.

Wordplay Joke

At the crematorium I noticed that it took the same amount of time to burn a Paki and a white person. This proves that, in God's eyes, we are all cremated equal.