Wordplay Joke

I'm gonna give my psychiatrist a piece of my mind.

Wordplay Joke

Just bought my first house but every month the mortgage leaves me in the red.
It's a period property.

Wordplay Joke

After months of begging, I finally agreed to send my son to camp America this Summer.
I've just booked him a flight to San Francisco.

Wordplay Joke

My wife gets bored very easily.
She just has to say something stupid and I get the electric drill out.

Wordplay Joke

CNN: USA Might Be Unable To Pay Its Bills
Bobs, Johns and Toms were said to be unconcerned.

Wordplay Joke

Lmao: What the French put on salad.

Wordplay Joke

Tobogganing. That's gone downhill.

Wordplay Joke

Just off for a quick fiddle with my kids.
They love it when I play young at heart.

Wordplay Joke

Horse drawn carriages.
It's not the whinnying, it's the taking cart.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see a 'Catwalk' in Paris because i heard its entertaining.
What a waste of time, they walk like any other cat i've seen.

Wordplay Joke

My grandfather had a very short-lived breathing problem.
He drowned.

Wordplay Joke

We dusted down the old tennis table the other day and the kids challenged me and the mother-in-law to a doubles game. They'll never hear the last of it ..
We surprisingly won considering I was playing with an old bat.

Wordplay Joke

I can't get enough minimalism.

Wordplay Joke

I saw an American family drowning so I threw them a funeral wreath.

Wordplay Joke

I'm pretty knowledgeable in most areas, but I think that Greek mythology is my Achilles tendon.

Wordplay Joke

News: 'Pensioner Mugged For Fun'.
What is this world coming to? I can't believe that an old person would enjoy mugging people.

Wordplay Joke

I thoroughly enjoyed Wagner last night.
It's a long time since I've listened to Ride of the Valkyries.

Wordplay Joke

Dogs aren't just for Christmas.
They're also for when you're very drunk and there's no good looking women left on the dance floor.

Wordplay Joke

I like nothing more than a freshly baked loaf, straight out of the oven. Mmm, ...you just can't put a price on that.
The sticker falls off.

Wordplay Joke

George Michael walked into Boots and said to the pharmacist, "I've got these terrible spots all over my face, is there anything you can recommend to treat them?" So the pharmacist recommended a product and asked if it was okay and George replied, "no, can you recommend something else please? I don't want your Freederm".

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend's eating for two.
I stood her up at the restaurant.

Wordplay Joke

I walked in to an ice cream parlour I said "Do you serve sundaes?"
He said "No, we're closed."

Wordplay Joke

While on holiday in Thailand I played a game of table tennis with a local girl .
She beat me but there was definitely something fishy about her serving technique

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me to get her something hot and steamy she can use in the bedroom for Christmas.
What she wants with another iron is anybody's guess.

Wordplay Joke

When I heard about a young boy falling down a deep hole, I welled up.