Wordplay Joke

My blind mate just finished reading a book.
He said it was brailliant.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently there are no small,medium and large when it comes to life jackets.
They're measured in capsizes.

Wordplay Joke

I went to the church and started masturbating, which to my surprise got me thrown out.
Turns out the job vacancy wasn't for a 'bell wringer' after all.

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe it took 7 hours for the tattooist to draw 67 little pocket-watches on both of my palms,
But then again I have a lot of time on my hands.

Wordplay Joke

The man who invented online surveys has a lot to answer for.

Wordplay Joke

Mr and Mrs Lemma are in two minds whether to name their daughter Di.

Wordplay Joke

In England, of course, all roads roam to Leeds.

Wordplay Joke

The police think they've foiled my alter ego, "Echoman".
But they haven't heard the last of him.

Wordplay Joke

When me and my best friend left school we got a job dividing countries.
We both made a Korea out of it.

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: Johnny Melfah posted Facebook messages urging a raid on the Apple store in Worcester.
At least he was encouraging something healthy.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep slipping authors' names into conversation.
I don't know what she's Tolkien about.

Wordplay Joke

My dream wife keeps telling me I fantasize too much

Wordplay Joke

Jeremy Kyle show calender on sale,with special date's,
Six potential Father's day,
And underage Mothersday.

Wordplay Joke

I'm giving away a puppet for free.
No strings attached.

Wordplay Joke

At my school every student smokes pot before school.
That way no one misses out on higher education.

Wordplay Joke

I live in a bungalow. Well, it has an upstairs. But that's another story.

Wordplay Joke

Note to self:
Who are you and why do people keep sending you notes?

Wordplay Joke

HMRC have offered to exchange Rangers tax debts for the naming rights to Ibrox they'll name it the Inland Revenue Arena, or IRA for short

Wordplay Joke

For his birthday I made my mate a machine that links into your brain and amplifies your mental maths skills so that you can work out any calculation you want. It's not brilliant, but it's the thought that counts.

Wordplay Joke

My wife left me for being childish so I've decided to turn my life around.
efil ym.

Wordplay Joke

My drug mule lost 50,000 of my cocaine today.
I really should use a human like everyone else.

Wordplay Joke

My father used to tell me that a round of golf was a fairway to vent his anger.

Wordplay Joke

I put the 'ab' in duct tape last night.

Wordplay Joke

I'm hoping to raise some cash with my "levitating vault" trick.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a curried ghost last night.
It went right through me.