Wordplay Joke

I have spent the last few days in Amersham, a town in Buckinghamshire and had a great time.
It's just like Amsterdam, only with less STDs.

Wordplay Joke

I couldn't afford to buy cotton so I decided to be abrasive, and steel wool...

Wordplay Joke

No matter how much I plead, my wife flatly refuses to get a breast enlargement.

Wordplay Joke

I wanted to get a power-gate for my drive.
But with gate power comes gate responsibility.

Wordplay Joke

My computer keeps crashing.
Must be the driver.

Wordplay Joke

Genetics has taught us one very important thing:
Every girl you meet is a double crosser.

Wordplay Joke

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend bought me a surprise gift, a 500 watt halogen bulb.
How brilliant is that?

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend bought me a surprise gift, a 500 watt halogen bulb.
How brilliant is that?

Wordplay Joke

Upon being told I have a drinking problem I gave careful consideration and completely agree. I've two hands and only one mouth

Wordplay Joke

I dialled a wrong number today.
I desperately needed an ambulance as my wife had collapsed but instead I rang Babestation.

Wordplay Joke

It's time I turned flesym around...

Wordplay Joke

As a last resort to shake off my cold, I locked myself in a large box and sat in there burning wood.
Two days later I was cured..

Wordplay Joke

Breaking News:
The act of smashing up newspapers.

Wordplay Joke

I'm in big trouble with the RSPCA after I uploaded my video version of "Whip my Hare" onto You Tube.

Wordplay Joke

I had a huge slice of good luck yesterday, and it really annoyed my secretary.
It was her last day, and that was her cake.

Wordplay Joke

This guy at work is always going on about his iPad, and is constantly shoving his iPhone 4 in my face. Today it all got too much; I threw them both on the floor and stamped on them.
How do you like them Apples?

Wordplay Joke

Saw a sign saying "Free Range Eggs" earlier.
Never heard of 'Range Eggs' before, but at least they're free.

Wordplay Joke

Saw this warning sign on a carrier bag
''To avoid suffocation, keep away from babies and children''
Murderers are getting soo young these days..

Wordplay Joke

I sneezed really hard, and while I didn't break any bones, I did sustain some tissue damage.

Wordplay Joke

"Doctor, my breathing is shallow. I can't take a big breath anymore. Do you think it's because of the medicine you gave me?"
"Probably, it can cause sigh defects."

Wordplay Joke

Every time I mix beer and lemonade together I find I can't walk properly.
I think I must be shandycapped.

Wordplay Joke

Isn't it funny how in the word 'alsatians' we can find 'asians'.
Yet we can find alsatians in asians too.

Wordplay Joke

The war on arms is quite a scary thought, isn't it?
We're outnumbered 2 to 1

Wordplay Joke

American humor
It just doesn't include u