Wordplay Joke

In the year 1800 man called Smith invented the world's first bladeless helicopter. But it never really took off.

Wordplay Joke

I went into a private detectives office today with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper,i said, "I want you to trace someone for me"

Wordplay Joke

According to the Guinness Book of Records, The most records broken by one man in a day is 17.
That's nothing, I managed 70 this morning, After cleaning out the attic.

Wordplay Joke

My wife left me because I'm a Paki.
Fair enough.

Wordplay Joke

After being motionless for over a year, I finally moved for the first time today.
I was ex-static.

Wordplay Joke

I was thinking about visiting a nearby castle.
But it's only a fort.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a woman in the high street today selling novelty size mobile phones; she had the biggest pair of Nokias you have ever seen.

Wordplay Joke

The only time I don't get on with paki's, is when they board a plane.

Wordplay Joke

If Stephen Hawking gets eaten by a cannibal, I wonder how many bytes it will take?

Wordplay Joke

Me and my brother wore the same shirt to town today.
We both found it very difficult trying to walk.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sick and tired of overdosing on sleeping pills.

Wordplay Joke

My wife has just ran off with a doctor from Prague.
That'll be what she meant every Thursday when she said she was going for a check up.

Wordplay Joke

I'm well known for my incredible guile.
My Chun Li's not bad either

Wordplay Joke

My mate has just finished building a structure that holds water.
I said, "Well done."

Wordplay Joke

IN THE NEWS: "Abbey Clancey is furious at Peter Crouch's infidelity"
I didn't know she was a Muslim.

Wordplay Joke

Terrorists can't be that dumb, think about it this way, after realising their mistake with picking the date 9/11, they chose 7/7 to bomb london to avoid confusion.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been tested for Chlamydia. Not great feedback, but the nurse was lovely, so I'm taking some positives from it.

Wordplay Joke

My wife call's me "Sleepyhead"
I'm not tired, I'm impotent.

Wordplay Joke

My friend, Eddie, spends several hours a day lubricating an old bench clamp... It's one of his many vices.

Wordplay Joke

My mates keep making fun of me after having my arms amputated by handing me beers.
I can't take it anymore.

Wordplay Joke

Its better to have loved and lost, than to have won and paid a lump sum to a lawyer.

Wordplay Joke

Not praying before dinner is a disgrace.

Wordplay Joke

I noticed that my plane to Majorca has been grounded.
It should learn to behave next time.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend is on the pill but is thinking of trying something else.
I told her if the cap fits.

Wordplay Joke

Did you know that 'gnol sa flah' is half as long when spelt backwards?