Wordplay Joke

My battery-powered horses were never going to be successful as a tool of the modern cavalry.
They took too long to charge.

Wordplay Joke

If you get a bullseye with your first dart and a bullseye with your second dart, what do you get?
Gored by a blind bull.

Wordplay Joke

Rowan Atkinson: "I'm too old to play Mr. Bean again."
Does this mean he's now a Has Bean?

Wordplay Joke

So there i was on the pavement on my knees,begging the wife for forgiveness... Which was ironic,because it was curb crawling that had got me into trouble in the first place.

Wordplay Joke

I can't stand kids.
I have to stack them in my shed side-ways.

Wordplay Joke

Maybe the man was swinging the cat around,
To check if there was enough room.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a male virgin?
Humphrey.

Wordplay Joke

I've set up a political party called the Scaffolders.
We provide great support and will put the Poles back when they are no longer needed.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a cold, calculating sort of person.
I do my accounting in a fridge.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently it's possible to control people's fantasies. Imagine that.

Wordplay Joke

I tore my mates origami bird into two today.
RIP.

Wordplay Joke

I just went to the local Dog Pound.
It's like Poundland, except everything costs 7.

Wordplay Joke

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree, why are you Irish?

Wordplay Joke

I'm not bothering with any of the soaps in the new year.
I know I'll smell, but I just cant afford them.

Wordplay Joke

I made a killing at the stock exchange today.
Going to attempt to kill someone at the post office tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

Our book keeper got spit roasted at the office party.
That's one double-entry she won't be forgetting for a while.

Wordplay Joke

I'm worried that my wife is smoking too much.
Maybe I should have dried her out a bit before I threw her on the bonfire.

Wordplay Joke

I witnessed a bank robbery that took less than a minute today.
Unbelievable Tekkers.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a double-barreled surname.
I'm called Dave Shotgun.

Wordplay Joke

If that emo kid next door doesn't stop playing the drums, there'll be serious repercussions.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going to Hooters for lunch today..They do great baps in there.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a bit worried I might have left the gas on when I left home.
But that was fifteen years ago and my parents haven't mentioned anything so it's probably OK.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Tarantula smuggling suspect arrested in US.
"So what exactly, was this Spider smuggling?"

Wordplay Joke

Went to a seminar about getting rid of doubt last night.
I don't think it worked.

Wordplay Joke

Alcohol kills brian cells.