Wordplay Joke

If I was reincarnated as a fish, I'd be gutted.

Wordplay Joke

Charles Darwin always gave chocolate to children at Christmas.
It was a natural selection box.

Wordplay Joke

My wife seems to have lost her creativity of late so I told her, "You should start thinking more outside the box".
"Well can you let me out please?", she replied.

Wordplay Joke

Just got back from seeing "The Iron Lady"
Dropped her off my shirts to do for work next week.

Wordplay Joke

It's been a bad day, I've just been told by the doctor that I'm allergic to my deodorant.
Oh well, roll-on tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend really did a number on me last night.
She shat on my chest.

Wordplay Joke

Styes are an eyesore.

Wordplay Joke

My mate tried to catch a bus earlier.
Unfortunately he dropped it on his toe.

Wordplay Joke

I was in the middle of a fight yesterday and I got punched in the face.
Probably shouldn't have stood between them...

Wordplay Joke

The entire cast of my local theatre company have dyed their hair blonde for their next performance.
Fair play.

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me if I wanted one of his dirty magazines.
I said, "Yeah".
He gave me a fishing magazine with a coffee stain on the front.

Wordplay Joke

My father used to be a tailor, as was his father, and his father's father. I think I shall follow suit.

Wordplay Joke

I actually invented the word "pseudonym." Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.

Wordplay Joke

Luke Skywalker and his family came into the restaurant that I work in tonight.
They ordered spaghetti, then complained that they found it difficult lifting it to their mouths.
I said, "Use the forks!"

Wordplay Joke

Just went out and bought the new PS3 game, in which you develop a Persian country's economy by finding vast resources of oil and gas.
Qatar Hero.

Wordplay Joke

I had to do an exam at work today - It was just one question.
My boss said "Failure is not an option."
Which was annoying because the question was 'What happens when we don't succeed?'

Wordplay Joke

Heard Morrissey is making a hip hop record.
He's a blacksmith now.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sick to death of terminal illnesses

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS : China mobile hits 600 million customers...
That's no way to sell your product

Wordplay Joke

I'm the best teacher at my school for the deaf...
Watch and learn.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: "Number of Brits attending Greyhound Races up 50% compared to last year"
So this country really is going to the Dogs.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to tell you a joke about maize and wheat, but don't worry, its too corny.

Wordplay Joke

Mozart couldn't find his teacher cos he was Hayden.

Wordplay Joke

I pay the lady next door to iron my clothes topless while I watch. When my mum found out she said I was a pervert for looking at her naked.
I said, "She's not completely naked. It's all above board."

Wordplay Joke

The editor of a thesaurus died today.
His last words were: 'least', 'lowest', and 'fewest'.