Wordplay Joke

I went to Specsavers the other day, and after some tests the optician told me I was slowly going blind.
I never saw that coming.

Wordplay Joke

My friends wife has finally left him due to our mutual obsession with Cliff Richard.
Congratulations.

Wordplay Joke

Inquest into gary speeds death opened and adjourned
No noose is good noose

Wordplay Joke

Was in a maths exam yesterday and this nerd next to me got an erection. He saw an acute angle

Wordplay Joke

since I became paralysed I cant stand to shower.

Wordplay Joke

I took my wife to watch Celtic play Atletico Madrid tonight, but she kept moaning about how she didn't like their striker.
Foul cow.

Wordplay Joke

On this day in 1877, Thomas Edison demonstrates his phonograph for the first time.
It soon becomes a record.

Wordplay Joke

I was in London today and saw a taxi full of zit ridden youths...
It was an acne carriage.

Wordplay Joke

You know if you were to second guess your decision to book time to visit a Native American community,
that would be a reservation reservation reservation

Wordplay Joke

A new Chinese restaurant had just opened so I thought I would try their beef in oyster sauce.
It tasted nice, but then I found a severed finger in it.
I looked at the menu again, 'made using authentic Chinese workers'.
Suddenly I wasn't as hungry.

Wordplay Joke

How do you make a prisoner laugh?
Tell him an inside joke.

Wordplay Joke

With the best will in the world , I will inherit 300 Billion

Wordplay Joke

I'm dating this fit bird at the moment.
She may be ninety eight but she can run a marathon.

Wordplay Joke

My son and daughter were arguing over who's turn it was to play with the spirograph, but it was going nowhere.
They just kept going round in circles.

Wordplay Joke

German mathematicians think about sechs every 10 seconds.

Wordplay Joke

I went to the opticians today.
It was a real eye opening experience.

Wordplay Joke

My mate was pulling some bird for ages last night.
Until he got to the top of the hill.

Wordplay Joke

French baths are the bain of my life.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Virtual monkeys write Shakespeare.
Tamarin of the Shrew?

Wordplay Joke

"Mate, have you got a cigarette going spare?"
"No, they're all rather placid"

Wordplay Joke

"Mate, have you got a cigarette going spare?"
"No, they're all rather placid"

Wordplay Joke

Hit-and-run drivers ride around with wreckless abandon.

Wordplay Joke

My wife got the sack this morning.
It was hessian and now she's at the bottom of a lake.

Wordplay Joke

My wife got the sack this morning.
It was hessian and now she's at the bottom of a lake.

Wordplay Joke

Our headmaster at school was a real angry man
Mr Phillips
He was a cross head.