Wordplay Joke

I love crosswords.
Angry is my favourite

Wordplay Joke

I never really fitted in at school...
I was fat.

Wordplay Joke

I've got this new job, fitting parts to sinks.
To be honest, I'm not very good at it, but I'll keep plugging away.

Wordplay Joke

Aristotle: "What does it mean to be a good person?"
Descartes: "What does it mean to be?"
Nietzsche: "What does it mean?"
Bertrand Russel: "What does 'it' mean?"
C.S Lewis: "What does it?"
Lil John: "What?"

Wordplay Joke

Who exactly are 'Mates' condoms aimed at?

Wordplay Joke

The wife served me divorce papers this morning, saying she hated being married to a Trigonometry teacher
I told her I'd sine them later, cos shes always going off on her weird tangents

Wordplay Joke

The Independent: "Hospital sorry for corridor death".
And there was me thinking buildings were incapable of such complex emotions.

Wordplay Joke

A street magician asked me to think of a number between 1 and 3, but it was only noon so I told him I'd be back in an hour or so.

Wordplay Joke

My deeply religious mother was horrified when she thought I'd bought her an old wooden carving of the devil.
"No, Mum. I said it's an antique Christ."

Wordplay Joke

For fifteen years I've been collecting watches and clocks but I've had to give it up.
It was taking up too much time.

Wordplay Joke

Scored with a black bird last night.
It was just flying in front of me so I caught it sweet on the volley.

Wordplay Joke

The wife just came home with a leg of lamb, a shoulder, a saddle, half a dozen loin chops, a best end of neck and a rolled breast for five quid!
I thought, "That's sheep."

Wordplay Joke

I sat down at job interview today. The interviewer said immediately,
"Clearly, Mr. Jones, you've been lying on your C.V. It says here, that you've worked in PR for nearly five years, and yet you're only sixteen? How can that be?"
And I thought loads of 11 year-olds had a paper round.

Wordplay Joke

Yahoo news - Hair Fetishist sentenced to Life
At least he can dye in prison

Wordplay Joke

I can never remember the ending of sayings.
Oh well, easy come.....

Wordplay Joke

German on pole at the British Grand Prix. Is Max Mosley back in charge?

Wordplay Joke

It was a slow day at work earlier.
Then again, i work at a down syndrome clinic so everyday is a slow day.

Wordplay Joke

I was leaving a lecture at university the other day when, my tutor came up to me and said "I believe this is your wallet,you must have dropped it on the way in."
I suddenly realised, this is something profound.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just told me a bomb has gone off in Oslo.
I said ," No way."
She said, " Yeah, is there any other?"

Wordplay Joke

My mates and I like to smoke weed and chase each other. We call it #

Wordplay Joke

The best thing about having a cripple for a wife is that I can always do whatever I want.
She never stands in my way.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News - American singer Peek dies aged 60.
That's really summit.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my Ex had a falling out when we became mimes...
We don't talk anymore.

Wordplay Joke

"Helping young women to fight and struggle with their problems"
John Smith,
Therapist.

Wordplay Joke

My wife was going on and on and on about how she was worried that she might spill her coffee.
I had to tell her to put a lid on it.