Wordplay Joke

I broke into the International Tall People's Society Headquarters.
All the alarms were raised.

Wordplay Joke

My boss delivered a riveting demonstration at work today.
But he broke the rivet gun halfway through and just had to explain the rest

Wordplay Joke

A top english professor was earlier found dead at his home,with various letters scrolled all over his body.
Police are treating the death as suspicious, and suspect vowel play.

Wordplay Joke

Im really looking forward to the next year of my agricultural degree. I've got a year in the field.

Wordplay Joke

I recently hacked into the bank account of a famous musician and transferred 250 000 to my current account.
I'm living life on the edge.

Wordplay Joke

Went to my hematologist today and he said my outlook is good because I'm a B Positive type.

Wordplay Joke

Upon hearing the news of Osama Bin Laden's death, my nan said: "What that man did to New York was really wicked."
I wholeheartedly agree with what Nan said, but I really don't think it sounds right for a woman of her advanced years to be using '80s slang.

Wordplay Joke

As I strolled around the library contemplating which book to read this week, I couldn't help notice 2 infants learning to share in the play area. I looked over and smiled at them, they really touched me. I was ejected from the premises shortly after

Wordplay Joke

Sodomy - when there's nothing on the telly and your Dad is also in a curious mood

Wordplay Joke

Isn't it fitting that when you want to correct or improve something you've written you 'white out', but when you don't want people to see the truth you 'black out'.

Wordplay Joke

The scarecrow was very effective. Now we have starlings.

Wordplay Joke

Just been sat watching TV and there is absolultly nothing on at all.
I really should turn it on.

Wordplay Joke

I asked my mate what the date was yesterday, he said it's the 11th of May, it's actually a palindrome "11/5/11"
I said yeah, so's your "mum"

Wordplay Joke

A polite cannibal won't leave the table until everyone's eaten.

Wordplay Joke

On a recent trip to Australia, I witnessed a shark sunbathing in a fever of cartilaginous fishes.
It was Basking in the Rays.

Wordplay Joke

Science: when a fat woman lies down on a bed, the mattress is depressed.

Wordplay Joke

An architect wrote down and drew out a design for a new building. He then decided to take a break and went for a cup of tea. However, when he arrived back at the place where he'd left his design, he found it wrapped in a shiny, aluminium cover.
His plan had been foiled.

Wordplay Joke

I've organised a church bazaar but can't find the keys to unlock the gates. I'm in trouble now. My fete is sealed.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: "Lennon celebrated on anniversary of death"
Well the dead do party hardest...

Wordplay Joke

I always get confused when I see a sign at the side of a country road with a picture of a deer. How do they know they're supposed to cross there?

Wordplay Joke

Surely there should be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

Wordplay Joke

Well I'm feeling quite optimistic about my pessimism.

Wordplay Joke

My mate burst in and shouted "Help me! If I start acting in a wacky manner, this collar around my neck will explode"
I said "Don't be silly"

Wordplay Joke

I've just been organising my local village fete. Booking that town crier was a good shout

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend asked me if i could act out a word that had all the vowels in alphabetical order. She didn't appreciate my efforts, and stormed out, saying "There's no need to be facetious!"